Today would have been my Dad's 62nd birthday. He's been gone a little over 5 months. I tried to sit down and journal. I know that I will write something profound someday about he and I. for the last couple weeks I've felt something brewing and thought today would be the day. I took the boys, my tea, and my journal outside in the beautiful fall air and the warm sun. I took pictures of the boys. I wrote about the weather, the boys, and then tried to write about my dad. I mostly just rambled, I write memories that popped into my head, moments of weird connections, random thoughts. I thought I'd share something from my journal with you, but I'm not sure I wrote anything you'd understand other than "I miss him."
I sorted through memories of him climbing in bed beside me the night I had my first migraine and was terrified, the warmth of the red hot water bottle I used to use for ear aches, the way he took me out and bought me a recliner after my ectopic pregnancy because I could not sleep laying flat after the laparotomy, about how he stood up at my wedding as I turned around to leave to kiss me, about the hugs when I'd go home after I'd moved out of state. My Dad was not overly affectionate with me, but there were moments that stood out. I thought and I cried. I thought about how I'm not sending him pistachios or tootsie pops because I can't come up with any better ideas for his birthday. See....rambles, just rambles, memories of a man I miss. A Man I wish I could watch sitting on the back deck with my teenage boys talking football.
When I got the mail this afternoon there was of course a beautiful note from my mom and these pictures...
This is a picture of him at his 32nd birthday party. I bet he was fun to hang out with. I wish I could remember him at my age. It would be nice to sit down with him at thirty two and talk to him like a grown up, but after seeing this picture I'm not sure exactly how grown up he was!! 
I made it through the day pretty well till Mike innocently mentioned that he needed to call his Dad tonight. I looked at him funny and asked why? He said just because he hadn't talked to him for a while. I started crying. I just felt like a 4 year old in my head saying "It's not fair!"So my praise in all of this is that today was the day my dad was born. If he had not come into this world September 10, 1946, this blog and all of it's contributors would not be in existence and you would have to have found something else to do with your last 5 minutes! =)
