Sending out morning prayers...

**update** Stellan has been born! This is from McKMama's site "Details on exactly how Stellan is doing as well as photos of the sweet baby will be forthcoming. But, let's just say that Stellan got a 9 and a 9 on his APGARS and the NICU team has yet to find a single thing wrong with him...

Happy birthday, sweet Stellan. You are God's miracle to us and you are finally here!!!!"

For more details head on over!


Today is a big day in one blogland family...

Baby Stellan is to be born today! He has been a miracle in progress for quite sometime. At 24 weeks doctors were sure he wouldn't live, now there is a 50/50 chance. As he comes into the world this morning, please send a prayers and good thoughts for peace and healing their way. Watching a miracle is an amazing thing! If you'd like to see something amazing, here is the link to some quick backround info and the prayer vigil being held.

While you're sending out prayers, here would be another good place to send them this morning. Nate, Tricia, and Gwenyth have had an incredible year. Tricia is in surgery right now having a lung biopsy. Please keep their family in your prayers.

I guess it's a big day in blogland. I think this place is a pretty amazing gift God has given us to allow us to connect on such an intimate level with strangers. Although they don't really feel like strangers any more. He's given us a way to love deeper, to care more for his children we may never lay eyes on. How cool is that??

This song has just been embedded in me lately, I thought I'd share it with you. I thought it only appropriate to share with you the version done by yet another blogger out there....



However I am also going to link you to my very favorite version. It is one I stumbled upon on youtube quite a while ago, and while probably not the "best" or original version it is simply the most raw, real version, and it's the one that plays in my head. (you know, where I can sing! =)

And the day goes on...

If you haven't read the beginning of this story, you may want to scroll down and start from the previous post. Or you may not have that much time!

***For the record, I'd like to preface this post by saying I'm not sharing for the sake of pity, nor do I want any meals delivered to my door. I'm sharing because the other option was simply to sweep this under the rug. I've gone that route before and it just leaves you wanting to yell at people. There is validation in sharing, so after careful consideration I've decided sharing here avoids people having to respond, because really, it's a hard thing to do! For those of you I talked to today and did not mention this, I love you, but it was easier to just not mention it! Traci...thank you for picking Dax up for me today, you didn't even know how you were helping!***


Remember my mentions of hormonal oddities...yes, I know, too much info. Well, I was sure last week's meltdown was due completely to that frequent friend who stops in for a visit. But she did not make her appearance. Although I thought this is was odd I kept waiting. By Friday I was starting to wonder. I have not been late since I found out I was pregnant with Finn. The weekend came with a vengeance and I just swept things out of my mind. By yesterday I decided things were definitely suspicious, but I'd give it one more day before going out and investing in a dollar store potty stick (if you read the last one, you know I already left my last $1.87 for the waitress at Steak & Shake

I even sat down with my journal yesterday morning to organize my thoughts. I always dreamed of having four children. From the time I can remember 4 was that number for me. So, there was a twinge of excitement. At the same time, have you met my boys? You read about how they are real boys in the last entry, right? They keep life hopping. Maybe I was thinking another year or two. But as I've said for a long time, I've never had any control over my fertility, God has always been totally in command there, I have learned to accept that.

So, what did I journal? I started writing. What came out was how I would be joyful to have another baby if and when He decided it was time for us, but that I would give anything to see my Brother and Sister in law have that joy in their lives. That if there was someway I could give that joy to them before it came my way again that would be so much better. I don't know if you've ever wanted a baby and struggled with that before. If you haven't, count your blessings. I think that is the hardest, saddest place to be. There is a desire there that is so primal, and even when you try not to let it rule your life, it does. I've been there. I'm so grateful, grateful doesn't even begin to encompass all that I am, that God chose to give us Lily, after 4 1/2 years of marriage, one miscarriage, and all my life dreaming of a perfect little girl. Then how overwhelmingly joyful I am that he decided to bless us with those two incredible boys after 7 years, fertility treatment, 2 miscarriages, and 1 heartbreaking ectopic pregnancy. He chose to make our family full of life. Sometimes almost overflowing! I want that for my brother and sister in law. Another baby would be an incredible blessing, but I want that for them first. But even I know that I am not in control and my timing is simple and human and by no means do I really know anything about the big picture. So I told Him, you know, the Big Guy, that if there was a baby coming, and there was some way he could send that little one to Ohio before I was too attached to the idea of number four in Illinois, that would be ok with me. And then I went on with my day.

When I pulled into the driveway from picking Lily up, a strange feeling came over me. As I started to climb out of the van I doubled over. I could barely stand up. I've felt this before. October 1995, February 2001, and August 2003. There was no doubt in my mind. I came in the house and I knew.

Funny thing is, this time my first thought wasn't one of complete sadness, of loss. It was one of simply knowing that God's timing is perfect. He has blessed us over and over again. He knows the why and the when. I can't help be slightly hopeful that maybe they'll be good news from Ohio. I know...that may be sound silly, but I can be hopeful, right?

October 15th Angie at Bring the Rain posted this in honor of the the National Day of Remembrance for pregnancy and infant loss. This includes all babies who have died because of miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or any other infant death. She asked anyone who had experienced this loss to please post, share, and pray. She had over 2000 comments. I was floored at just how much this post touched me. I guess because of how grateful I am for the children I do have running amok in this house, the sadness of the losses has taken a backseat. It's not something I think about on a daily basis, or even a weekly basis. It comes to mind on certain dates, or when I hear of someone else's loss. I know through all my losses God taught me lessons. Everyone of those little ones had a purpose and Angie giving us place to validate their existence, speak their names, truly touched me. So for that reason, simply validating that for a few weeks there was a little life building, I'm sharing. I feel even more blessed because I know you are listening.

A Warm Family Weekend! Not exactly....

The last few days have been....hmmm....well, not what we planned.


We have travelled, had extended company or very sick children every weekend in this beautiful October. Travel and company are wonderful, but we haven't had just a Saturday to spend together as a family in this beautiful fall weather. We were planning to take this past Saturday and spend it at the pumpkin patch. October is almost over, we still have no pumpkins. I promised this year we'd do pumpkins. Megan was going to meet us up there for a few beautiful sun going down type pictures and then we'd finish up with a little dinner out. It didn't exactly happen that way...


Finn woke up at 3 am struggling to breathe. Out came our friend the nebulizer. He made it till 8 am before needing another, but by 10:30 am he needed another. I tried calling his doctor. Have you ever tried to do this on a Saturday?? 5 phone conversations and an hour and half later I finally was allowed to speak to her. She gave us her recommendations and suggested we go ahead and take him to prompt care so they could do a pulse ox and listen to him. Prompt care was a 2 hour wait. We waited. They listened. 90%. That earns you a trip to the ER!


Let me share with you our beautiful Pumpkin Patch pictures...

My boy, he can charm him some interns and nurses with his amazing party tricks!

Pneumonia! Yea!!

We watched the sun set through our window, it was beautiful!

Sunday I met Megan at the wrong time of day in the middle of an infamous Illinois plain windstorm. Lets just say, the pictures, not so pretty!

Monday came, it started out pleasant enough. Then there were many many phone calls to get Finn in for a recheck. This ended with a high speed race to the "big" city down the road to see our old doctor at her new office. I was flustered. Mike (after two weeks of nagging) still hadn't changed the car seat configuration which left me climbing all over the van to put kids in and out..so of course I was grumbling. I even called him at work at that point and told him he needed to find me directions for how to get to the office and thanked him for moving the seats for me....I'm sure that conversation was the highlight of his day.

Boys looked good. a little loud and crazy, but healthier than I'd hoped. Finn even got the all clear to spend short bits of time outside and rejoin his friends in a day or two. The down side, they were starving. Lets just say if I was taking part in this week's Not me Monday I would totally not have said My 18 month old surely was not so hungry that he found a french fry buried somewhere in the depths of her car seat and munched on it! But I'm not participating, so I'm not saying that. So I thought why not take my little pneumonia clad dude and his loud big brother to Steak and Shake on the river...a joy I tell you. You stick a 5 star restaurant right next to a river where you can watch barges pass and it just makes it worthy of a write up in some sort of diner's club magazine.

**Let me preface this with the disclosure that I was not originally going to share this story. I was pretty humiliated, but for the sake of truth and the fact that the dude at Steak & Shake deserves his props, I will share**

I ordered our lunch. I fished crayons out of Finn's mouth. I chatted with older patrons at a neighboring table about how, oh yes, my boys are true boys"(A nice way of saying crayon eating, loud talking, booth climbing heathens, I'm sure), I discussed water, boats, boats and bridges with Dax, and then just a minute or two before our order came, I answered a phone call from my husband. He was calling to check on the boys. I gave him the report, explained how they were so hungry and tired and I knew they'd never make it home awake, so we had stopped, and continued talking. He then says, "where are you?" I told him. He sort of went quiet, then asked how much my lunch cost. I thought this was a bizarre question and responded with a quick estimate and a "why?". He then proceeds to tell me there is $16 left in the account to which my debit card is tied. We don't carry credit cards. I usually like to have a little cash but yesterday my cash amounted to $1.87. I was unhappy, but was sure my lunch would be under that, so I just prayed and hoped my nice waitress would understand the crappy tip.

Then, Dax fell head first out of the booth. I'm not exactly sure how this happened. He was sitting there, across from me, eating. I guess maybe he was too close to the edge and just lost his balance. However it happened, he landed on his head, and he cried, and cried. He just wanted to go home. I asked for a box and the check, still praying about that whole mess...

The check came, $15.98. Wow, that's close. I went to the register. I sat my boys and all their paraphernalia down on the bench and handed my bill to the nice guy who was running the grill and the register at the same time...talent I say. Well, guess Mike was rounding up with the $16, cause my debit card...yeah, it didn't work. My boys by this time were checking out the candy machines and begging for quarters. I wracked my brain for a solution. But other than making my husband drive here from work and take care of this, I couldn't come up with one. I felt like a mouse as I apologized profusely, looked at the guy and said, "I'm not sure what to do, my debit card is all I have with me..."

Do you know what this guy said? He smiled and said, "well then, I guess this one will just have to be on me, have a good day."

Did you hear that? Reread that again. Sometimes God answers prayers, but he chooses a way not quite as direct as you would like. This guy's voice, echoes of grace....right there. The Steak and Shake guy that let Jesus shine through him. So next time you're tempted to go to one of the other much nicer eating establishments within a mile radius of this location, maybe you should think about dropping in to the grand riverfront Steak & Shake.

Now, I wouldn't want you to think I left with a smile on my face and happy little boys in tow. I left biting my lip trying not to break down in tears. I scooped up one little boy who proceeded to spill chocolate milk down the front of both of us and then grabbed the other by the hood and stumbled out the door. I got them both in van, climbed in the driver's seat and broke down. Not a little ugly cry either, full on sobbing. I think there were just so many emotions I couldn't quite contain them all. Remember that kitchen meltdown last week and how I tried to toss it on hormones? Lets just say those were very much still in play...more on that later...Mike chose this exact moment to call and check in. I'm not sure if he could understand anything I said, but I'm sure it was the second highlight of his day. Dax then started singing a song about being happy and not sad. He asked if that made me feel better. I cried some more, but I laughed a little too, how could I not?

By the time we made it home both boys were sound to sleep. Praise the Lord! I carried each one and laid them in their bed. I spent the next hour and a half doing almost nothing, and I'm not overly ashamed to say that.

Next thing I know it was 3:45 both boys were still asleep and Lily needed to be picked up from choir practice. Finn was starting to stir, so I put on his shoes, wrapped him in a blanket and carried him to the van. I came back for Dax who was still out cold, I wrapped him up, tossed him over my shoulder, grabbed the extra car seat sitting on my porch (long story, see mention above) put the booster in with one hand, flung Dax in with the other, pulled the seat belt over him and slammed the door. By now we were a good 10 minutes late. I backed out of the driveway, quickly. I put my foot on the brake, went to change from reverse to drive when I heard and felt that always familiar crunch. Apparently I pulled out so fast that the lady in the driveway across the street didn't notice me coming and backed right into me. The upside is that she is actually a neighbor from down the street I'd never met who was very kind. The bad news...

I'm not sure how this plays out with the insurance. She hadn't started backing out when I pulled out, but she didn't see me pull out. I had seen her pull in the driveway, but didn't see her backing out until her bumper was in full contact with the right side of my van. No one was hurt, we jumped out, did the insurance switch and had a pleasant conversation. I then went and picked up Lily, only twenty minutes late. She was waiting with her boyfriend (Dear God, help me!) and a handful of other kids who's parents were also neglectful.

Wow, this is almost a novel at this point. Have I given you too much info yet? If you've made it this far, glad you didn't have anything better to do. There is more, no really, there is (I heard you groaning.) The next segment is in someways hard to write, I need to decide how much sharing I'd like to do. For now though, I should go. My fingers and your eyes need a rest

A Megan Preview..

Megan, one of my favorite babysitters, and her family, which I happen to love, asked me to do her senior pictures. I decided although a bit fearful, I'd give it a whirl. I've started playing with a few so I 'm gonna give you a very small preview(lets just say these were in the first 30 out of 300!). We've taken a ridiculous number of pictures so far and still have one more day of shooting...it has been a blast!

Pictures with my Mom in Ohio...

Praises...

Because after the last post, I obviously need to do some!

People who read my blog. There may not be many of them, but they are quite a bunch! I am so blessed to have had some great feedback after that last post and even a couple of great hugs.

Ahhahh moments. Last night while standing in the middle of a gaggle of teenage girls all talking a mile a minute I realized that my spirit was smiling. I loved standing right where I was and as I glanced over and saw friends working in the kitchen the thought occurred to me that some of them would rather eat paint than stand in the middle of all this hormone induced giggling and drama. Thank God for spreading the love!

Those teenagers. They are good people and I love them! (even the ones that skipped out last night and the ones who refuse to sing!)

Bible Study. That Beth Moore, she's a pretty interesting lady. And that God, he's a totally interesting Guy. I'm loving learning and I'm loving the people in that room with me even more.

My kids. I am grateful that Finn's driveway sprints have not gotten him hurt. I'm thankful we live on a street without many cars coming down it and that that guy is in God's hands. (hey God, if you're listening which I know you are could you maybe think about sending us a house with a fenced in yard?)

Lily coming home from school sopping wet but with a smile on her face.

Dax...he got his school pictures today and pointed out his favorite girls first. He had a great morning before school and came out smiling. I love days like that!

Friendship, what an incredible blessing.

Praises left from this weekend...

We made it through, Praise the Lord!!

Lily burned her hand on Friday as I was trying to vacuum for my in laws arrival. She was replugging the vacuum for me and it popped and sparked causing a good burn on her hand. We are grateful for the doctors at prompt care because they took good care of her. I'm also thankful that with the number of times we've visited in the last months they haven't called DCFS! The girl at the desk actually laughed as we checked out and asked if we just wanted to rent a room...

The costumes got finished! I wish I had some great pictures but really, I don't. As much as Dax wanted to be that butterfly, he decided he didn't like the hat or the wings and was a total grump. Finn however loved his costume and won one of the cutest costume awards at our Pumpkin Patch party. Dax found our associate pastor's little girl and finally started to smile! They all came home with three freezer size Ziploc bags worth of candy and 6 plates of cakes/cupcakes from the cake walk. Eating healthy here!

My in laws made it here and home safely. They did not run screaming out of the house after 2 hours with Dax who seemed to have saved every ounce of nastiness for the weekend they were here. He worked hard to be that mean and nasty. It seemed in the moments we weren't dealing with Dax the visit went well. They said they enjoyed their time...they could just be trying to make us feel better!

Oh so grumbly...

No, not them, me.

I'm not sure if it's hormones stopping in for a visit or just the fact that I have not been as consistent in my God time lately, making me feel like I have too much to read and not enough time to process. Maybe it's the fact that I'm feeling my gifts are secondary and inadequate. Whatever it is, all I have done today is grumble.

I went to church this morning to help cook tonight's Wednesday meal at the church. Let me just straight out say, this is not my gift. I will continue to grumble here...as far as I'm concerned I'd be ok never setting foot in that big, gorgeous kitchen. It is a sight to see, but I'd rather not see it. I am not passionate about cooking. Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that Mike is one heck of a grill chief we would probably starve. Ok, well, I wouldn't go that far. It's not that I can't cook, it's simply that I get no deep pleasure or satisfaction out of it. I don't get excited at the thought of a new recipe or the chance to whip something up for a party. The thought of a dinner party scares the heck out of me. But I regress, I went to help, because as a circle member it is my responsibility to help. I baked some brownies, I did a few dishes, and I grumbled.

What did I grumble about, you ask? It might be better to ask what I didn't grumble about. I grumbled (keep in mind, I'm omitting the ones I didn't not actually verbalize to others) about the kitchen, the electrical outlets, the dishwasher, the temperature of the hot water, the dishes...ok must take a legitimate grumble time out here. The dishes. If there is something I get less pleasure out of than cooking, it would be cleaning, so doing other people's dishes...far, far bottom of my "things I'd like to spend an hour doing". Our church, on a mission to go green, has decided paper plates are for wussies and have instead opted for the most cumbersome, heavy, glass dishes known to man. Breakable, people, very breakable. Now pile 42 lbs of these on one highly ornate flame & cross tray and watch someone try to carry it across a huge gym floor. You might cringe just like I do! I think I threw my back out last week carrying three sets of dishes on one tray back to the kitchen for washing. Washing..oh yes, washing dishes for more than 150 people. Joy! Don't you just see joy brimming forth from my spirit? Go green if you must, but for the love of God, maybe some biodegradable paper plates? Or if we have to do dishes, have you people heard of something like Corelle Ware, light, not overly breakable, can fit more than 6 in the dishwasher at once? Don't get me started on the dishwasher...one dishwasher and a restaurant grade fry daddy. Come on peeps, did we really need to fry daddy? Maybe a second dishwasher, maybe even one with a disposal.

Do you see that?? Do you feel the seething? What is wrong with me??

The worst part of it is that this kitchen is pure heaven for some of my closest friends. They love it, and not only do they love it but they think the clinking of glass dishes is beautiful. They have a passion here. They are the same amazing friends who prepared meals for my family when my dad was dying. They are amazing cooks. They find delight in the discovery of an interesting new recipe and they are the ones who will find out what everyone is bringing so that they don't double up, rather than just running to Walmart and showing up with the first thing that strikes their fancy. They have a gift that maybe I'm just a tad jealous of. Their ministry involves being able to whip up an amazing meal on the spur of the moment. They still go for the totally homemade birthday cakes and school treats. I don't for a minute resent them for these talents, I do however envy them a bit. To them, I grumbled, and believe me, they love them some stainless steel restaurant grade kitchen! And as much as it frustrates me that they can't see the flaws, it brings me joy that they find so much joy there.

So I continue to grumble...I feel like sometimes because my gifts did not come in the form of cooking, cleaning, and decorating that I am not an equal on the Mommy/Woman scale to these amazing ladies. I beat myself up that I just don't compare. The paranoia in my even starts in with why would they want to be my friend when all I'm doing is grumbling about the things they love. Their houses are beautiful. Their dinners amazing. I look around, I sigh...I wish I could afford a cleaning lady. Or maybe a decorator. Then I start thinking about my non gifts. I'm not organized, I'm not good at starting conversations with people I don't know, I can't sing(oh how I'd love to sing!), and after two years of lessons I can play Mary Had a Little Lamb on the piano.

My boys, they were loud and obnoxious when I picked them up from the nursery today. I'm sure, totally reading into what i was spewing into their environment. I started to cry on the way home, as all the grumbles and the guilt of the grumbling itself circled in my head. I got out of my van, let the monkeys out and sat down on my porch in the warm sun.

There was a bee. Thank God for bees. The fear of this little yellow and black buzzer caused Dax to need to be held tightly on my lap. I'm his mommy, I can take a bee. Hey, I can take a bee. God gave me this beautiful child, even in all his heathenism, and this kid, he doesn't care if I can whip up a baby meal. Honestly he doesn't care if the house is strung about with toys and dirty clothes. He just cares that I can take that bee and I can wrap my arms around him to protect him. It was like the clouds parted and all of the sudden I could feel the warmth of the sun felt on my face. My thoughts drifted to what an incredible October this has been, filled with warm blue skies. I thought about how I needed to go in the house and read my lessons for my small group of youth tonight. You know what, they don't care if I can whip up a gourmet meal, or if my house is clean either. They care that I love them and that I am passionate about who they are. They care that I'm passionate enough about them to grumble that the kitchen is much too big compared to their youth space. I thought about how I needed to refresh my mind on my Bible Study for tomorrow morning and how much joy I'm finding in leading this Bible Study, a place I never thought I'd find security, passion, or joy. I realized just how much I love doing it! My thoughts then drifted to how excited (and terrified) I was to take Megan, one of my babysitters, out last night and begin shooting her senior pictures. How I found this so invigorating! I smiled at the thought of her enthusiasm and than it donned on me that I should probably track down my guys.

They were playing on the swing set. I called them in and watched with tears in my eyes and smile in my heart as they walked hand in hand up the backyard into the house. I stepped over the shoes, toy trucks, and books as I walked to the kitchen to whip up some delicious peanut butter and honey sandwiches with a nutritious side of whole wheat goldfish crackers, then I left the peanut butter, honey, and the dirty knife sitting on the counter, stepped right back over the same shoes, trucks, books, and a few wooden choo choos, to my computer to share my feelings with you in hopes of receiving some good (free) bloggy therapy.

I am so grateful for my friends who find joy in their kitchens, so grateful for the times they've come to my rescue when my family desperately needed a meal when things were crazy. I am so grateful to those friends who find joy in decorating and making things look so beautiful, they have come to my rescue many times we we needed table decorations or places to host brunches. I am so grateful for those friends who find joy in singing and bring others joy by sharing that gift, I love sitting in church on Sunday morning and hearing their voices. I am so grateful for those friends who find joy in organization, they have saved me a million times over in so many little ways. As envious as I am of their gifts in some moments, as much as I feel that maybe mine simply don't measure up, I know that if we all found passion in the same places, this would be one boring place! God knows there are so many bases to cover that he's got to spread us around. I need to stop my grumbling and be grateful for the gifts he has given me, and I need to chose to use my time for much better things than complaining. (This doesn't mean I won't do it anymore, but know I do feel truly guilty about it! )

Bottom line is I am who I am. As much as I long to be really talented in other areas, only God can change those things in me. Oh, I can strive to be better, honestly, I could do lots of things better, but only God can create in you a love and passion for doing something. Only he gets to dole out the gifts, so why do we think we are so powerful?

Now, I'm gonna go change a dirty diaper, step over some little people and a diaper bag, remove the half eaten bowl of popcorn from the big comfy chair and snuggle up with my giggly, warm, littlest man until he falls asleep. Then I'm going to read my lesson for tonight maybe even play with Megan's pictures a bit. Later, I'm going to be doing a bit of apologizing.

Thanks for the therapy!

Carrying the Flame...

Maybe this should concern me more...

Dax has send me on a hunt for this song. He has requested this about a dozen times in the past 24 hours.

He just heard it playing and ran from the other side of the house. He told me he heard that song and "it fricked me out!" **side note** fricked = freaked


btw thanks, Elena =) see if you get computer priveledges again next time you babysit!

Have I become That Mom?

You know, the totally uncool old lady who lectures her kids about inappropriate lyric content??

Oh please forgive me! I can't even chock it up to "music has changed since my day", cause really, that's a load of crap.

I should be thankful that we are blessed with a great current local Christian radio station that plays good stuff. I remember Christian radio when i was younger *gag* it sounded like something only grandmas listened to. You definitely could not dance to it. So, I'm totally grateful that 90% of the time my kids listen to music filled with positive stuff. 90% of the time my tween is totally content with "God Music" as Dax calls it ** side note** Dax tells me when he grows up he will be a drummer in a band that plays "God Music", the kid is good, you should hear him**

So why does Lily liking this song drive me so crazy??

Most of you know, either because you knew him or I've mentioned before that my dad was a DJ. He loved music, this was one of his best gifts to me and one place where we connected. I must admit though, there were many songs played long before I was a teenager that were probably inappropriate. This includes one such song that was discussed in jest as a possible father/daughter wedding dance song. Some of you know that story..it's still makes me laugh. My brothers and I were singing this one at a very young age. **Side note** hunting for that post took me totally off track for a bit meandering through old posts. I found this one and it made me stop, cry a wonder why it was so much easier to praise then. I need to get back on track!**

Ok, back to the point of this, it's getting long. I thought about my journey through the 80's & 90's. I found myself with a goofy grin when I thought about these lovelies...

exhibit A & B, worse yet C...ok I can't even find a link that won't get me in big trouble! Remember a little ditty called Discovery Channel?

Yeah, that third one, far far worse than anything Lily has ever even heard. Granted I wouldn't let her listen to it, but still it gave us a good giggle, didn't it?

On the way home from Ohio I was listening to some random 80's flashback channel and this one started playing. I immediately started dancing in my seat. About halfway through, I thought "crap, she's gonna start asking me questions, or laughing" and I changed the station.

So am I her?? That censoring mother? I never had one. My mom, pretty cool. Is it because she's 10? If she was 16 I'd probably roll my eyes and be done with it. The above mentioned tunes didn't scar me for life, I'm still here. My faith is pretty strong, I'm a pretty decent human being (I think). So why am I struggling with this one?

**side note, While youtubing for songs I came across these guys I totally love them! I spent a little time with them listening to this and this, there are more, many more...who knew you could do that with a ukulele!**

I haven't done a musical post for awhile, I'm kind of sad this is it!

I will post Ohio pictures sooner or later.

After finally coming to the end of this post I think it should have been entitled A Random Run through Marci's Morning Thoughts, scary, isn't it?

I'm going...I so need some God time!

Long over due praises...

A weekend with my Mom. Even in the chaos it's so nice to just be there with her.

Spending even a short time with Ryan, Carly, Jeff, Stacey, and the girls...seems like it's never enough time!

Knowing I have great people here in Illinois. Let's just say if it wasn't for them I'd be on my way back to Ohio about now. Although I've been gone 4 1/2 years and I do love it where we are now that feeling of homesickness hasn't been so strong in a long time. If I could just get my whole family to come to Illinois... (think about it people, there is plenty of room in this state!)

Coming home to my husband. I'm so grateful to know he's here waiting.

The laughter my little people bring even in the midst of chaos.

Teenage babysitters who let Mike and I go out after a good two months of no alone time...a true blessing!

Grown up time with Mike. We need to do it a lot more! Too bad my family is all so far away (cough, cough) and my for a fee sitters all have such busy schedules!

Coming home to a quiet house with both boys sleeping in their own beds at 9 pm. Lets just say this is a feat most babysitters have not been able to attain in the past several months. Tonight's babysitter, as Mike says, "deserves a cookie!".

Kids who are great travelers.

Veggie tales DVDs.

Visiting a Babies R Us. There is such joy there! If you have one close to you, go in and spend a few minutes stroking soft baby things every so often for me! The closest one to us is over an hour away and even though my babies are getting bigger I totally miss it!

Beautiful fall weather for traveling. If only I could have taken pictures while driving... Breathe easy, I totally put my camera out of reach so that I would not be tempted. This is the perfect time of year for picture taking (take note of this those of you who have asked me to do something along this line, find me a date, I'm ready to play!)

Seeing my old church start to come alive again.

Feeling hope where I this summer only felt darkness.

Memories of moments past.

Do not disturb does not apply here

Dax likes to have company with him in the bathroom. Especially if it's a more time extensive endeavor. The rest of us, not so much.

Mike and I try to avoid bathrooming while he's awake if we need privacy. Lily has taken to locking the door. Great idea, in theory. she was prepared for the banging and yelling at the door. She was not prepared for him to go find a screw driver and attempt to remove the door knob.

Good thing she was quick about it...

It's Good to Be Home

We are now safely in Ohio...

Traveling 6 hours with 3 children without another adult is quite an adventure! I'm becoming a pro. I must say I couldn't have asked for better kids today. Lily was a great help without too many complaints. We changed the seating arrangements and everyone seemed happy! The trees have just started to change, the sky was so blue, it was a beautiful drive! Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of a day such as this!

Best quote of the day came from Dax. "Mom, this drive sure is long". He asked me repeatedly why Nana lives so far away from us. He told me he doesn't like long drives, just short ones and it should only be a short one to Nana's. Amen!

Most amusing exchange of the day...

Ok, can't do one, but can do one for each child. Of course they all involve my brother, the infamous, Uncle Ryan. The kids haven't seen him for a few months and the boys seemed very resistant at first. Dax told me Uncle Ryan was mean and he didn't want to have dinner with him. Lily and he just picked up their love/hate relationship from where they left off. Uncle Ryan is a teddy bear. A teddy bear who masquerades as a big annoying, teaser. The kids, Mom, Ryan and I went to a local dive tonight. You know, the kind of place only the locals know about with all the ambiance of a truck stop but amazing food and good company. Ok, I regress, my stories...

Finn ~ For no reason at all he starts hurling pickles at Ryan's head and laughing hysterically. If he was older I probably would have been really ticked (or if we were in a nice establishment) Grand, he's already decided it's fun to throw food at your uncle. Should I be worried?

Dax ~ Uncle Ryan kept trying to steal Dax's goldfish crackers. He tried negotiating, to no avail. He offered french fries, onion rings, monkeys, cows, random strange items. Dax was cracking a slight smile but repeatedly said "I'm not sharing with you!" Ryan asked if he could just have the green one...just the green one. Dax popped it in his mouth and said "gggrrr I ate it" yeah, totally a lot funnier to have seen it in person. If you know Dax then you can at least imagine that gravely gruff voice saying it which makes it slightly more funny. If you don't know Dax move on, I'm getting bored with myself!

Lily ~ I walked out of the diner and see my daughter standing on the back of my van trying to retrieve her flip flop from the roof, yelling how cold she is and my brother standing there laughing with his arms in her pink, heart covered sweatshirt.

Can I just say, I love my brother. He's a great guy. I have friends who are younger than he is but seem a good 10 - 20 years older. The boy manages a bank, he's no slouch. When he turns in to Uncle Ryan, he seems to remind me a lot of this annoying little brother I once had who could drive me to the edge of sanity and shove me right over. At least now I can refrain from yelling "mooooommmm!! " Although Lily seems to have picked up right where I left off!

It's good to be home!

Yes, Mike, I will blog again...

He's been asking me this question for days. I have many pictures, many stories. when I have skipped a few days and have lots to say I get overwhelmed so i just don't blog for like two weeks. He needs something to read at lunch.

I should be studying harder for my small group time tonight, but instead, I'm stalking ebay. Well, ebay and craigslist. I have been for the last two weeks...that is where I've been when I should be blogging. Dax, my darling son wants to be a monarch butterfly for Halloween. Not any butterfly, but the Tom Arma butterfly.

He's three, he's a boy, should he want to be a fireman or something?? No, a butterfly, a $60 butterfly. And Finn, he has to be a caterpillar. This comes from the directive of Dax. Lily has been ordered to be a flower, she refuses, she will be a fashion Diva (God help us). Dax didn't take this news well I overheard a conversation that went something like this...

D "You're gonna be a flower, Lil"

L "um no"

D "I said yes! You would be a flower!"

L "yeah, not gonna happen, I'm not matching you guys anymore"

D "You will be a flower, or you will be NOTHING!!"

L trying not to laugh, "whatever, Dax"

At least the garage sale clothes she's gathering for her ensemble have only cost me $2.75.

I really don't like Halloween, but I like the cute costumes. I like having the kids dressed for the Harvest party at church. Yeah, I thought I had a couple of weeks, turns out there is a wedding the weekend before Halloween so the party is a week early...craziness!!!

I'm leaving town this weekend. I need a butterfly and a caterpillar, pronto. this shouldn't stress me out, but it does. If you have a Tom Arma butterfly costume or know how to make one, or maybe a caterpillar and you'd like to loan them to some little boys you might be my favorite person ever! Am I the only crazy mother who stresses about these things?

I should go. I just told my boys if they threw cereal all over the floor that it would makes bugs come and that would be bad. Dax told me he liked lady bugs, it would be fun if they came. I told him it would be spiders and other bugs that bite. I don't think it's a good sign that I hear giggling in the background and a three year old voice yelling, "Get it, Finny, you're a bug!! You're a bug!!"