Today was a day.
Do you ever feel like you are just in a period of waiting in your life? Like God has something he needs you to do, but it's not time yet? I have felt like I've been in a period of waiting for a while. Today was a day of agitation. Not that I was particularly agitated with anyone, just that I felt on edge all day. Like today is a day I'll go back to and see the pivot point. Like the heel is dug in, but the foot is swinging. Which direction will it face? The heel is dug in, in faith, in my God, because I know in all he is there.
I got my CT scan results. I have a "midline umbilical incisional hernia". The doctor is out of town till Wed. The receptionist read me the results. I called my friend Lisa, who happens to be a nurse for a little translation. It looks like surgery again. I know in the big picture a hernia is not the end of the world. It's just that surgery with three little people means missing out on stuff with them, it means worry for them, it means imposing on people to help take care of us. All things I don't want to do. But I don't know who God will put in my path through all this. There is always a reason. There is always good that comes from everything. I don't know enough yet to get too worked up, but maybe that is why I'm worked up. I like answers. Seems I have many more questions than answers...but I have faith that they will come.
Mike the Mold Man, as my dear friend, Amy, calls him came for a visit tonight. He was not exactly what I expected. Amy has him so magnified in my mind I thought he might have a white gown and wings! He did not. We do have mold. No surprise. We'll know in a few days what the cost of taking care of that will be...this could be a major pivot in our lives. I was hoping that Mike would come in with great wisdom, some sort of great revelation, instructions directly from God. I found this voice saying, "Marci, he's just a human, you've put too much on a human." True enough. He didn't have any straight forward answers for us although he did ask us a question. Although Mike(my mike, not the mold guy) didn't get it, I did. He asked, not once, but twice, "Is this the best the King has for you?' Hhmmm...
Maybe I'll delve deeper into that later, but now, I'm headed to bed.
We are all here, in our house, safe from the storms, together. This too is the day God has made.
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Finding the joy in my journey...
There was a moment a couple of years ago that in just seconds changed my outlook, I guess you could call it my “ah ha” moment.
I have been a pretty positive person for quite a while. It’s easier to be positive when you learn to walk by faith and realize that God is ordering your steps (when you let him).
When you close him out or forget that faith, the worry starts and the complaints begin to flow… but back to that moment because although inconsequential, it was so clarifying.
Dax was little, maybe 10 or 11 months, he never sat still (hasn’t changed much!), he was into everything all the time, and I’m sure I’d had words with Lily, but honestly I don’t remember what got me to that moment, just that the day had been bad. Dax was in the bathtub, I was sitting on the toilet (lid down, thank you!) and he started to splash...not just a little splash but the kind of splashing I imagine comes before a tidal wave or a hurricane. I put my head in my hands and began to cry. At that moment, Sophie, our dog nudged open the bathroom door and started to lick the water off the side of the tub, then the floor. Dax started to giggle, and splash more…I started to laugh through the tears.
I told myself to “suck it up” (a term of endearment I’m sure will echo through my children’s thoughts as they fondly think of their mother's common phrases).
I lifted my eyes and my hands upwards and simply said, “thank you Lord for the dog that licks up the splashes, and for the little boy who makes them”.
From that moment on I made the conscious choice to choose joy.
I am no Pollyanna, I do my share of complaining. I know that everyday there is sadness, everyday there are struggles. As time passes (too quickly!) more and more I realize that the only pot of joy at the end of this journey is the one in heaven, but joys on this worldly journey are all around us. Even in the middle of the busyness and the sadness, there is laughter, the smile of a child, a phone call, or a friend’s hug. If we take the time to see, hear, smell, taste, & feel all that God has laid on our path the ride can be an incredibly joyous one.
So as life is spinning around me, there are moments I may find myself wanting to sit and cry, but at the end of each day I want to see the joys, revel in the praises, and take these memories with me. When I started this it was just for me, but as it continued I felt I needed to share…so, if you've joined my journey, enjoy the pictures, feel free to find joy in my joys, but most importantly, each time you stop in, take a minute to revel in the joy on your own journey.
I have been a pretty positive person for quite a while. It’s easier to be positive when you learn to walk by faith and realize that God is ordering your steps (when you let him).
When you close him out or forget that faith, the worry starts and the complaints begin to flow… but back to that moment because although inconsequential, it was so clarifying.
Dax was little, maybe 10 or 11 months, he never sat still (hasn’t changed much!), he was into everything all the time, and I’m sure I’d had words with Lily, but honestly I don’t remember what got me to that moment, just that the day had been bad. Dax was in the bathtub, I was sitting on the toilet (lid down, thank you!) and he started to splash...not just a little splash but the kind of splashing I imagine comes before a tidal wave or a hurricane. I put my head in my hands and began to cry. At that moment, Sophie, our dog nudged open the bathroom door and started to lick the water off the side of the tub, then the floor. Dax started to giggle, and splash more…I started to laugh through the tears.
I told myself to “suck it up” (a term of endearment I’m sure will echo through my children’s thoughts as they fondly think of their mother's common phrases).
I lifted my eyes and my hands upwards and simply said, “thank you Lord for the dog that licks up the splashes, and for the little boy who makes them”.
From that moment on I made the conscious choice to choose joy.
I am no Pollyanna, I do my share of complaining. I know that everyday there is sadness, everyday there are struggles. As time passes (too quickly!) more and more I realize that the only pot of joy at the end of this journey is the one in heaven, but joys on this worldly journey are all around us. Even in the middle of the busyness and the sadness, there is laughter, the smile of a child, a phone call, or a friend’s hug. If we take the time to see, hear, smell, taste, & feel all that God has laid on our path the ride can be an incredibly joyous one.
So as life is spinning around me, there are moments I may find myself wanting to sit and cry, but at the end of each day I want to see the joys, revel in the praises, and take these memories with me. When I started this it was just for me, but as it continued I felt I needed to share…so, if you've joined my journey, enjoy the pictures, feel free to find joy in my joys, but most importantly, each time you stop in, take a minute to revel in the joy on your own journey.
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The voices I hear when I'm tuning out my kids...
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Perspective8 years ago
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Next time...bird seed.9 years ago
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Double digits12 years ago
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Six Years12 years ago
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Celebrating Twelve ....13 years ago
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Perfect Love15 years ago
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2 comments:
Praying this recovery will go quick when you have your surgery.
Hi there...I'm visiting as I sift through MckMama's comments and just wanted to stop by. Thank you for your comment...and also wanted to tell you I am so sorry for the losses you have endured. I love what you said on your sidebar about choosing joy. It is a conscious choice. And, a good one! Praying God's continued comfort, sufficient grace, and abiding joy as you walk this path...
In His Grace,
Kelly Gerken
Sufficient Grace Ministries
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