I Have a Maker....

Three days ago we started school. This is Dax on day one...

              
This is Lily...

 
See a difference?

For two days we have been smiling and chatting up school as we dress our six year old and he yells, "I'm not going!"  School is "Boring, Lame, and Dumb!"  We haven't argued with him, we simply move forward repeating how school is important and full of  great adventures. We walk through the motions. We coerce, we buckle into the van, we drive, we coerce some more,all the while still telling him what a great day this can be. He stops at each threshold, crosses his arms and repeats "I'm not going!"

 
for the last two days I have kissed him, hugged him, and left him standing behind his chair in his classroom.

I come home praying for him and  for his sweet brand new teacher.  Then I call my mom and relive the morning wondering what I'm doing wrong.  She assures me I'm doing just the right thing for Dax and she prays for him (and I'm sure for me too).

I'm not used to this.  I've been blessed with 9 years of this...



Lily loves school.  Lily loves school shopping.  She is giddy at the thought of school supplies, schedules, locker decorating, and bells ringing.  We have come home early from vacation for the posting of the class lists!  This year Dax told me to run on up and see who his teacher was, he really had no urge to go, nor did he really care all that much.  He was just happy his teacher was pretty                                        

... is this a boy thing?

This morning Lily convinced Dax to put on his clothes before I was even out of the nursery.  She then helped him get breakfast and came to report that although he was dressed and fed, he was still certain he was not going.  I thanked her profusely, at least Mike wouldn't have to dress him by force this morning, and sent her on her merry way to school.

Juliet was awake and chipper earlier than usual this morning so we were having our singing and playing time a bit early.  The song that came out of my mouth was one from Bible School this year.  "I have a maker...he formed my heart..."  somehow I couldn't remember the words so I called Dax to come "help Juliet".  That is one of those things that this big brother can't refuse!  He came up and I told him how excited I was to see he was dressed.  He smiled at me and said "yeah, Lily made me, but I'm still not going to school".  Juliet giggled at him and he giggled right back, telling her, as he does every morning, just how beautiful she is.  I explained our problem with the song lyrics and he began to sing...

I have a maker

He formed my heart

Before even time began, my life was in His hands

He knows my name

He knows my every thought

He knows each tear I cry 

and hears me when I call.

So, yes, I was a little teary when I joined in.  Juliet grinned from ear to ear.  So did Dax.  He then started singing...

    This is the Day you have made we will rejoice and be glad in it

This is the day...

I started laughing, I asked him who made the day in that song.  He looked at me like I was a little nuts and said "God".  I shared with him that God did form His heart, he knew before time began that he would be in the 1st grade in this class with these kids and he knew that it would be hard at first.  He looked at me with this deep smile and said "He did?'"  I brushed his cheek, "yes, and he sees your tears, and hears and your voice, he put you just where you are.  He made this day and it's going to be a good one!"  His eyes just glowed and with the softest little mutter of a voice he said "but I'm still not going to school".  I just smiled, because I could hear the guard being let down. 

We packed his lunch.  He put on his shoes.  He walked all by his lonesome out to the van, buckled in, and asked to hear church songs, which he sang all the way to school.  As we pulled around the circle drive one of his best buddies was walking up the walk with his mom.  Being this particular family, I have a feeling God placed them right there.  As he got out of the van, with a grin he looked back and said, "I'm only doing this today, well and tomorrow so I can choose dinner tomorrow night".  

Two days is better than none, little guy, and after this morning I've had a little reminder that I cannot do it alone, I am not in control and neither are you....

You have a maker, and He formed your heart, even before time began you were in His hands.

Three

This guy came into our world three years ago and things just haven't been the same since!

Finn is....

strong

funny

smart

handsome

a lover of girls of all ages

a great dancer

full of trouble

an amazing snuggler

a lover of books

incredibly athletic

blessed with his mother's (lack of) Grace
a talker of smack with a swagger
full of amusing expressions

a great kisser

a lover of baths

a fan of church

a lover of Jesus

a fan of smoothies

incredibly picky when it comes to food

almost a vegetarian

very photogenic

a charmer

a people person

a follower of his brother

a tormentor of his sister

helpful (when he hears me...)

destructive

a good writer

an amazing ball thrower

sweet

compassionate

a really horrible listener

a natural puzzle do-er

a great kicker (balls and siblings)

a fan of his dad

a incredible surprise to our family that has blessed us so much, I can't even imagine this world without those eyes and that smile!

Oh why not...

Let me just say, I was not planning on an American Idol post, but you know, I used to do them all the time.  So why not? 

I'll be brief. 

Although I love...



And I love...



When this guy just sits down and sings, I still can't help wanting to pack him up and take him on vacation (Don't worry Mike, I really won't...just a passing thought =)



As for the others, they can go home now, I'll just keep these three.

Maybe I'll post pictures or tell stories of my actual family tomorrow!

Blogging...

Do I pack it up?
Do I force myself to write everyday?
Do I admit defeat or try to find the spark that started the journey?
Am I at a loss for words? (Don't laugh!)
Do I have just too many?
Would I be better off to just spout random stuff or try to go back and catch up?

sigh...

I don't know. 

I've been thinking about this blog, sitting out here taunting me. 

I've been thinking about how many of my friends keep plowing along writing great little tidbits about their lives.

I've been thinking about those blogs I read once upon a time that seem to have fallen silent and how I wonder what is going on in the world of someone I've never even met.

Another friend started a blog today.  I smiled reading her first entry, all excited with the newness of it all.  I remember when I started, finally an outlet from my thoughts, for the crazy that goes on in this house each day.  Where did it go?   hhmmm...anyone know how to find that?  I'm taking suggestions! 

Maybe I'll just post pictures, I'm sure I could find something! 

Or share that my brother and sister in law who's story I shared here are having a little boy!

Or maybe I should mention that my little brother, Dosh and his sweet wife, Jessy whose wedding I talked about here are having a baby too!  A baby that they thought was a boy, but as of yesterday is officially a girl! I am just as thrilled about this sweet baby as I am about my soon to be little nephew and feel really bad that I didn't even blog the story of their baby!  They were sure that everyone in our family has had a hard time having a baby so certainly they would too, right?  Hmmm...I'd say that a honeymoon baby is just as wonderfully special as one you've longed for for years, just maybe doesn't get all the glitter and glamor!  Either way, I'm so excited to have two new little people in our family!

Maybe I should share my feelings as I pass the anniversary of my dad's death, and of the loss of one of my ectopic pregnancies, all those events that surround my own birthday and how I can't help but be an emotional headcase at those moments.

Or the fact that my husband turned another year older and I still can't imagine life without him!  I am so blessed that he chose me, and we are still here 20 birthdays later. 

Or maybe I should tell you that my Finny turned 3!  He is my baby, how can he be three?  I should tell you all the amazing details of who he is right now, and how I adore him even on the days when he dumps bottles of makeup on the floor, floods the bathroom, covers 12 towels with feces, and breaks his sister's violin.  Maybe I should throw in a few (or a lot) of adorable pictures of his steel grey eyes and dimple or pictures of his birthday party full of his friends.

Maybe I should hit Lily's 12th birthday.  How much she's growing and how it just hit me that there are only a couple years left where Mike and I will still have the big influence in her world.  Soon it will be what her friends say that is all that matters.  How I love this girl.  I see her growing in strength, faith, love, and I just want to remember her in big frilly hats climbing on my lap to read books like "Little Women" with me when she was two. 

Do I share with you my aching heart at the news that my beautiful niece, Kaylah, who is 8 was diagnosed with Leukemia just a week and a half ago. She is fighting like a champ already!  I am so proud of her momma who started writing her story here and should have been writing all along.  Do I tell you how sad I am again to be so far away from my family when they are fighting their way through these valleys.  Or how blessed I feel to know that I am the child of a Big God who holds all of us in the palm of His hand. 

Maybe pictures of youth events with girls who I love almost like my own or or field trips with preschoolers?

There are so many moments and so many stories, I just don't know how or where to start, or where to finish.

Still open for suggestions...maybe I should take requests...is anyone even still out there?

So, I went to Mommy School this weekend....

I had hoped to come back with fires blazing, my path more directed, I'm not sure that was the case.  What I came back with was a smile on my face, some interesting thoughts on the places the Lord puts me, knowledge that sometimes things I think might be uncomfortable just might fit like an old shoe, and a reiteration of something he's been telling me for a while now. "It's the task at hand, Marci.  It's the moments, the people, the day you're in.  You are in each one for a purpose, quit trying to skip ahead to find out where the story is going."

So here I am.  Saturday I was here with almost 5000 other great ladies.  I learned a lot.  I thought I'd share a small something that I thought was interesting...

Every Piece Counts.  Got 5 Minutes?  In 5 minutes you can...

...write a note to a friend.
...clean out a kitchen drawer.
...read a book to your child.
...ask your teenager's opinion.
...send your husband an email love letter.
...paint your nails.
...read an article or a blog to recharge your mommy batteries.

Every minute counts. 

So today I'm taking 5 minutes, starting now, to brush off my blog praise journal....

Living in a country where a huge group of women can gather to laugh, learn, and worship in freedom. 

Being valued enough as a wife and mother to be supported in my journey to figure out what other passions I might have.

Connecting with grown ups and with my own little people.

A husband who takes care of three little people and everything else so I can go.

Knowing when I get home everyone will be ok.

A mom who will pray for me all day and listen intently when I ramble on about my experiences.

A great great God who values me enough to call me his.

The three little people (and their daddy) who yell, whine, fuss, who make life chaotic and crazy.  Without them, I would not be on this blessed journey.

I'm sure this is not what my husband meant....

No, I'm sure this is not what Mike was after when he told me I really needed to start blogging again.  I do have plenty to blog...plenty!  But, alas, American Idol has begun, and it's been a long time since I've blogged about such trivial TV, but I must say although the talent is not really shining through for many so far this week, I could, in fact, pack this contestant in my suitcase and take him on vacation.  Shhh...just don't tell Mike!

(I appologize for the still screen, I guess tonight's performances have not hit Youtube yet.)


***Update***
YouTube has the whole thing now, but there is a lot of stuff before the singing starts, so I'm leaving the above song just so I can hear it when feel the urge...

Christmas, The Blog. Part 4, The Day After...

So I'm thinking Christmas should be wrapping up soon...but really it is my favorite time of the year. I love all the anticipation, the music, the lights, the smells, the love. We start it a month before; why not hold onto it for a month after? Who knows when we'll take the outside lights down. Do we really need to? What does it hurt to keep them up year round just knowing that with the flip of a switch the best season of the year returns? I'm thinking this year, we might just leave them up!

The day after Christmas this year was our day to gather with Mike's family at his grandparent’s somewhere in the hills of southeast Ohio. Lily did lots of the picture taking this year, as well as some rather...um....interesting videography from the drive. I thought it would be fun to highlight some of her work.

The highlight of this gathering is getting to see everyone, even if it is for just a short period of time. Mike's grandparents are amazing people. What I have always loved most about them is their humor and their love for each other. They for years have illustrated to me what a lifelong marriage looks like. Their laughter, love, and silly flirtations with each other have made me laugh and warmed my heart. I feel blessed to have been brought into their family. I wish we could see them more than once a year. When we were closer it was a bit more often, but still not often enough. It's amazing how over the years the numbers have grown, the house, however, has not and although it's a little tight, and a bit warm, there is still always laughter.

This year we attempted to put together a family photograph. The last time this was done the family consisted of Mike's grandparents, his parents, his aunt & uncle, Mike, his brother Jeff, and his two cousins. This time we added two granddaughter in laws and six great grandchildren. We had to do this inside do to the weather and health issues. Jeff brought his tripod and I brought my camera & flash. Between the two of us we figured out how to use my timer (something I never use!) and figured out the best angles and lighting available with everyone in a small space. And then we began to shoot....

We did it! We actually have one shot where 17 out of 18 people are looking at the camera with open eyes and fairly pleasant faces. I'm trying to figure out if I can cut and place my sweet little niece, Allie, in from another shot. It seems as if when I was behind the camera, she'd look at it, but when I'd run into the picture she'd turn her head to watch me. So we have cute picture of Allie without me in them....I'm not sure if that is such an issue, I like being behind the camera rather than in front anyway! =)

I'm excited that I was asked to do this, that the parties were all willing. Even if it is not perfect, it is real! What a wonderful gift for our children to have!

Christmas, The Blog. Part 3. The Best Gifts...

So I left you a while back with part 2.  I think it is time that I pick up and get this whole Christmas thing moving,  it is almost Valentine's day for goodness sake!  Although it seems fitting to tell you about the best gifts one month to the day later, right?  Well, I guess if it couldn't actually be that day it's better than not sharing at all! 

The very first best gift happened Christmas Eve.  After the saga of part 2 we walked into my mom's house and this was the scene...

Normal.  It was in fact Christmas Eve.  Letters to Santa were written, cookies were left, hot chocolate was had, books were read,  food was sprinkled in the snow for the reindeer.  All the traditions of our Christmas Eve, sometimes normal is the best gift!

Christmas morning arrived like those before, pajama clad little children checking out the special gifts left by Santa in their beds and in front of the tree. Laughter and quite squeals, lots of pictures being taken by the newest person to receive a camera, this year it was Lily...so I took a little picture taking hiatus!

Traditions. These too can be the best gifts. Knowing how the morning would go, that some things never change. Breakfast in the dining room with the good dishes. The same breakfast that has been served on Christmas morning since I can remember, and probably since my mom can remember.

Moving on to the wrapped gifts...

Finn might have said this was his favorite gift.  He did jump up and down and yell "leapster!  Own leapster, I got own leapster!"

Dax might have said his favorite gift was this water squirting, fluff eating friend who scared the jolly right out of his little brother, not to mention the dogs!

Speaking of the dogs, they might have mentioned this fluff filled friend as their favorite gift...

Even common gifts can be the best presents in our family when we compete for the creative wrapping award. Dosh has always been a genius in this area. Sometimes when I have a rather mundane gift, I hand it off to him to wrap and voila you have an intriguing gift. These beauties won hands down this year. One was for Mike, one for Ryan, from Dosh...any guesses?

As the hoopla was starting to fade and the kids were starting to open more and more things, playing with new toys, the last gift was handed to my mom.  I think I must have been answering someone's question or maybe opening something for someone at the time, because although I was watching, I wasn't totally aware of what it was.  I saw it was a frame and then heard Dax's little voice ask "why is my Nana crying??"

Ryan reached over and hit a button on the cd player and this began to play...

Honestly it was like last year's surprise proposal all over again! I couldn't get up fast enough to hug Carly...there was even a bit of disbelief. Tears filled the room. 

Ryan and Carly have struggled. They have longed for a baby for a long while. Carly, like me, knew from the time she was a little girl that she wanted nothing as much as she wanted to be a mom. We have prayed for them for a long long time. I remember being a bit nervous to tell her of my pregnancy with Finn, because I didn't want to hurt her. She and Ryan have been such a huge part of my children's lives and I am so incredibly grateful that God's timing is impeccable and even in the waiting there is grace. Standing in a little local shop the week before Christmas I felt compelled to buy another little gift for Carly. Something about it brought tears to my eyes when I thought of her and Ryan. It was a simple little plaque that said For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11.

Last Christmas I read this and I ached for Carly. I knew one day, one day the timing would be perfect and she would understand. I saw this sweet kindergarten teacher's spirit shaking as she dealt day after day with children from families who didn't know what longing for a child was like. I watched as her heart broke watching pregnant mothers and strollers fill ever corner of the Indianapolis Children's Museum last year on our mini vacation. I heard it in her voice as she talked about the county fair and the wagon loads of children whose parents might not have even noticed if one had gone missing. I ached for her because I had been there. But I knew. I knew that God's timing was impeccable, even if I didn't know it when I was there and there was no way for me to tell her with words, they just seemed so trite.

Christmas morning, Ryan and Carly saved the best gift for last. It was beautiful. It was not theirs alone. It is God's. And it is all of ours. He continues to bless our family through even the roughest times. The beauty that comes is incredible and it is so filled with grace.

Since Ryan and Carly's big news every time I hear this song my eyes well up with tears and I know it's meant for them. Thank you for sharing your joy with all of us.

 

January 14th...

Part of this was originally posted January 14, 2009

January 14, 1990 This guy I had been friends with for a very long time who had dated several of my girlfriends and had actually only stopped dating my oldest friend weeks before, asked me to "go with him". I was a sophomore in high school. He was a Freshman. That morning at Sunday school I had walked around the corner and caught him kissing yet another girlfriend of mine...I was hesitant, yet naive and trusting and I couldn't resist his charms. Later that night after youth group, I had my first kiss...I almost threw up.

January 14, 1993 I was a freshman in College. That guy, he was a senior in high school. We'd dated 3 years. Many seemed surprised that we'd made it so long. We wrote lots of notes, talked for long periods on the phone, and spent most free time together. We also shared most of the same friends and the same amazing youth group. We had no doubt we were in it for the long haul. We went to dinner at a very nice restaurant but opted for deep dish pizza to celebrate our third anniversary. Sometime during dinner that night He opened a ring box and slid it across the table. I just smiled. Our waitress (a girl we went to school with) shrieked and seemed more excited than we did!

Truth be told...only a few close friends know this truth...Mike had proposed to me one day in October. I was home sick from school. He rode his bike over after school...this was forbidden, but we're married now, so does it matter? I was in bed, looking and feeling like death. He told me he wanted to be with me forever. This is real love. I said yes then.

The official engagement with ring and public announcement was the night over pizza.

January 14, 1995 Show tunes from Phantom of the Opera, Pippin, and Les Mis drifted from the piano welcoming people into the church. My baby brother lit the family candle to this song ...



Our brothers Ryan and Jeff escorted our Moms in to a slightly more up tempo version of this song...



My dad held my arm and walked me down the isle to Canon in D.  He cried. I cried. After the ceremony he stood up to kiss me on my way back down the isle...I really wasn't sure what he was doing. I miss him.

During the ceremony there were three songs. One was written by a good friend of ours who happened to be both of our gifted teacher growing up as well as the church choir director and the high school theater director. We felt honored that he he not only let us use his song but sang it for out wedding.

There were the other songs, sang by close friends, although I couldn't find a great version by Geoff Moore and Steven Curtis Chapman, here is one of my favorites...



We left the church to a loud and beautiful burst of music that went something like this...



One of my bridesmaid's families owned a florist. She had been saving rose petals for weeks. We packed cones with them before the wedding and they filled the air as we made our way through the rainy, warm, January night.

The reception was filled with dancing and fun. Young children drinking from the champaign fountain...not knowing there was anything "grown up" up in there. There was a minor punch on wedding dress moment, and believe it or not, my little brother (who had been drinking from the for mentioned punch bowl) was actually to blame, not me! We danced and laughed and had a wonderful night.

We started the night and ended it to a song that was and still is "ours". Pick that song careful girls, it can carry you through all sorts of things! Big hair and all can't ruin that!

For some reason this song has had it's embedding disabled..go figure!

***update***

Since last year's post, they have added an embeddable official video...I guess they figured they really weren't making big bucks keeping this one from people!



January 14, 2009 19 years since that first kiss, 16 since the fancy pizza dinner, and 14 since we shared all that music with those we love. Lily says it's our "Golden" aniversay since it's 14th on the 14th. Whatever it is, all the music still fits and it still makes me a cry. So many years. So many people. I still wouldn't change a thing. I love you...

January 14, 2010 20 years together. Another year of chaos and wonder. Another year of gratitude. Here I sit at this kitchen table watching little boys play, waiting for a not so little girl to come home from school, feeling so blessed that God put Mike into my world when I was so young. We have grown together in so many ways, but when I hear that song, I still feel 15 somewhere in a little part of my heart and I can't help smile at all that big hair, big glasses, and mixed tapes full of meaningful lyrics and love.

For our 15th anniversary we might not have made it back to that beautiful place in Savannah we spent our honeymoon, nor some grandiose trip to Hawaii, be we had a few hours alone togther to laugh and love and remember just how much we like each other, even(or maybe especially!) when there is no one else around!

Here are a few picture from the beautiful place we escaped to for the night last weekend. It's only 10 minutes down the road, but it was like a whole different world! Hopefully we'll get back there soon!

living room

bathroom goodies and rose petals =)

beautiful bedroom

skyline view from the bedroom

outside our door

the hotel

A little visit to the "manager's reception"

I opened my eyes as the sun was rising, crept out of bed to get my camera, climbed back in and took this...

view when I was waking up for real

The cute little cafe in the lobby was a great place to stop before leaving...I was thinking of some of my girls when I had my chai! =)

It's been a long time since a certain someone (or anyone!) brought me my favorite peach roses.  I loved that they were there waiting for me in the room when I walked in.  I love too that a certain person made the reservations and stopped in to make sure the room was just right before coming home to get me.  I kind of love that certain person, just as much as I did 15 years ago and far more than I could have ever imagined 20 years ago, standing outside of church after youth group was over! =)