Moments...

I took Dax to the church nursery today barefoot in his pajamas. I decided I was not wrestling him into his clothes today. He was horrified when I actually put him in the car like that. I guess he didn't think I'd go through with it. I thought I won. I didn't not. He decided once he was there that being in pajamas was cool. He had lunch with all the the United Methodist Women in his jammies, barefoot. sigh...

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Turn on the bath water

close the bathroom door

check on boys playing quietly in back, far from bathroom, without knowledge of running water

run quickly to the basement to find jammies hear boys running above you, clunking about

run back up stairs to Dax standing in the hallway giggling

go to open the bathroom door

realize it is locked

look at Dax

shake head

hear whimpering

realize Finn is in the bathroom, With the water running

panic

find screwdriver

tell Finn to just keep knocking on the bathroom door(so he'd stay by the door)

get half the door knob off, can't get door open

realize hinges are on the inside

start really panicking

beat the heck out of the door while crying

door opens

drop to floor as half wet toddler and damp golden retriever emerge from tiny bathroom

hug toddler

yell loudly at preschooler

cry

hug them both

praise God

throw them in the tub

get on with the night

hope Mike is having a good time with the guys (and honestly, I am not being sarcastic)

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Tonight in the car while scanning a large gaggle of tweens searching for Lily after a choir caroling event (who carols in the middle of November??)...

Me ~ ok, guys, watch for Lily.

Dax ~ My Lil?

Me ~ Yes, your Lily.

Dax ~ We don't want anyone else's Lil, just mine.

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Finding out after four years of living here that crazy people in this town light a tree and carol in the middle of November. Only now know because Lily sang. Wishing Finn was healthier so we could have gone out and enjoyed it...feeling guilty that my oldest sometimes gets neglected. Once upon a time, I would have been a group mom...

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Standing in the boys room between their beds as they fell to sleep. Finn stood at the side of his crib, me with my arm wrapped around him, rubbing his hair until his little eyes closed and he dropped to his pillow. Standing over them while this song played on their cd player




And once again, all of those mommy moments of today the good, the bad, and the ugly, I laid them down at His feet. And gave praise that everyday starts new and I, I have been richly blessed.

And now I am going to watch a movie with just my girl...

***update***

it was not a movie, it was Taylor Swift's making of her video, then Lily fell asleep.

This is why it is so easy to be so grateful at the end of the day...





...and for the record, I really am glad that Mike is out with the guys, he needed that. He's been pretty great over the last weeks with all the sickies and crazies in our house. I wouldn't want to be walking through any of this without him. I do however wish he'd come home soon because the garbage smells like something might have died in there and I'm not opening the lid again till he gets here...

One Day Early Last Week...

It was so warm. The wind was soft. The leaves were finally falling in our yard. Instead of blogging about it, we went outside and played in it, in shorts. How often do you make leaf angels in shorts? We visited with our pumpkins. The boys chased each other with sticks(please no one comment on my negligent parenting). We hugged some trees. We spent some time climbing, swinging, sliding, and then some extreme slide tricks (again, no parenting comments from the peanut gallery, please!). We rescued some imaginary squirrels from fires. We tossed leaves in the air and stood under them as they fell. We watched the leaves as they fell from the trees and blew off the roof. We looked up and talked about the blue sky. We just enjoyed the last real day of our beautiful Indian Summer.

Today the sky has been blue and other than some dampness, it looked like a rather pleasant day, not for wearing shorts, but a pleasant fall day. We were inside all day. Finn has pneumonia yet again. Next week we're going to be doing some more testing to see if we can find out why he's had three such infections in less than 6 weeks. So today I decided to think about that beautiful day last week and take the time to put the pictures up. It won't be long till the skies are greyer and the days colder, but I have to remind myself that these beautiful days of fall will be back before we know it! The boys will be older, if it's part of His plan it may be a different yard, but it will be back! Gotta love how that works!

Another day last week...

Can you tell I should have blogged more last week? Oh well, I'll get back to the pumpkin patch and Halloween eventually!

Last Friday, we had a handsome little guest. You can find out a bit more about him here. Once upon a time his family used to live in our town and they were pretty cool people to have around. They then left, headed east to the far away state of Indiana. I must say, I miss this boy's mama. Oh, I knew she'd do great, make lots of new friends, cause honestly you could not meet this women and not like her or at least find her incredibly amusing. Well, unless she was mute that day or something. It was nice to have her back on a Thursday night for a few hours and we loved that she had this conference she had to go to so she just had to leave this guy with us for the morning..it was such a put out and all! I'm sure the family he spent the afternoon with felt just the same!

I didn't know how my guys would react to an almost three month old hanging out. Dax's first reaction was simple, "Why didn't my friend, Claire, come?" After that he just wanted him to smile at him. Fussiness somewhat annoyed him. He really didn't care that Cooper might have a bellyache, he'd rather just watch Dora. Finn on the other hand, Finn was loving this guy! When he cried he'd run and get his binky. When he'd laugh Finn would laugh. When he fussed, Finn would gently pat him, or lay his head on his back. When he slept, Finn would toddle in every 10 minutes or so to check on the 'babeeee". It was so sweet I could hardly stand it!

And when he left...Finn waved and called "bye bye babeee". Dax, well, he didn't really notice till he heard the door shut. He then ran and looked out the window, screaming "Who took that baby? Where is he going?? I don't want him to play with Caroline and Charlotte, I want him to stay at MY house!" Guess he kind of liked him after all, or he's three and he's not big on sharing!

So, you know that I couldn't possibly have a baby here and not take pictures! That would be like asking me not to hug him. How would that be possible? And then, man, he had a messy diaper. You know what that means? Yep, almost naked baby pictures! (no babies were harmed in the making of this slide show)

This is what happens when you allow a class full of 8th grade confirmation students to "see" your camera!

We missed those of your who skipped out on us! But we still love you! =)

A Historical Evening filled with excitment...

Well, at least in Chicago... Dax and Lily stayed up for a bit tonight because it was a night of history, no matter what the outcome.

Lily sat online and found some site where she could color all the states red and then pleased with herself, went upstairs to fall asleep next to election coverage on her favorite Christian radio station.

Dax, after telling me that he did not like either of those guys (I guess maybe he's a budding libertarian or green party advocate) fell asleep curled up next to his daddy, who also fell asleep. (I was afraid if I shared the picture of both of them I'd be in trouble!)

I chatted with mom as the numbers trailed in, knowing in my gut what the outcome was to be. I think I knew it in my gut the day I saw Oprah beg her good friend, Barak, to announce his candidacy on her show.

I watched tonight as history was made. I gave thanks to be part of a country where we have the freedom to go cast our ballot. A place where children of all races, sexes, and economic levels can have the highest goals. A place where we can stand up for what we believe. A place where there is hope. A place where two men gave two respectful, hopeful speeches ending with God Blesses.

I may not have voted for our next president. I may have reservations about his authenticity. I will however be praying for him, for his family, and for those around him. Being the president of the United States sounds to me like a daunting, painful task.

Obama is a well spoken, intelligent man, who has a vision for our country. It may not be Obama who is that great leader, but those who are inspired to greatness by seeing that someone who is not older, white, or a man can be elected to the highest seat in our country by the people.

I pray tonight too for the McCains and the Palins who's lives were tumbled around as they followed a calling. Maybe by running, they fulfilled that call. I hope their families breathe a sigh of relief tomorrow that they can just be.

The bottom line is that as I woke this morning, before my eyes even opened these words circled in my mind (thanks to Beth Moore strongly suggesting I commit them to memory!)

He changes times and seasons;

he sets up kings and deposes them.

He gives wisdom to the wise

and knowledge to the discerning.

(Daniel 2:21)

I knew right then, prayers and voting were an important part of today, but ultimately the outcome of today has been known for years and years. Whatever it is, the true leader's name was no where on that ballot.

Skipping ahead...

I have a Halloween post and a praises post that I've been meaning to add for a good three days. Yesterday I posted nothing, I was trying to accomplish something at home. I did, but it all needs to be re accomplished today! Anyway, Traci checked in several times yesterday looking for something that I never got blogged and although it won't be nearly exciting now that she's had her own private preview I can at least post things I know she approves of.

I had the pleasure of heading out with the Sullivan Family Saturday afternoon to take some pictures. We trespassed a bit, but it was totally worth it! I'm learning and I'm not good at giving directions. I really just like to follow people and snap, but these guys, born posers! So, I probably will still post my own favs out of Traci's approved group because, it's my blog, right?

I'll leave the more posed Christmas card pictures alone so when she sends out cards it will be a surprise? It's too bad this family just doesn't photograph well, isn't it? And that Maggie and Max are simply not stinkin' cute!

Sending out morning prayers...

**update** Stellan has been born! This is from McKMama's site "Details on exactly how Stellan is doing as well as photos of the sweet baby will be forthcoming. But, let's just say that Stellan got a 9 and a 9 on his APGARS and the NICU team has yet to find a single thing wrong with him...

Happy birthday, sweet Stellan. You are God's miracle to us and you are finally here!!!!"

For more details head on over!


Today is a big day in one blogland family...

Baby Stellan is to be born today! He has been a miracle in progress for quite sometime. At 24 weeks doctors were sure he wouldn't live, now there is a 50/50 chance. As he comes into the world this morning, please send a prayers and good thoughts for peace and healing their way. Watching a miracle is an amazing thing! If you'd like to see something amazing, here is the link to some quick backround info and the prayer vigil being held.

While you're sending out prayers, here would be another good place to send them this morning. Nate, Tricia, and Gwenyth have had an incredible year. Tricia is in surgery right now having a lung biopsy. Please keep their family in your prayers.

I guess it's a big day in blogland. I think this place is a pretty amazing gift God has given us to allow us to connect on such an intimate level with strangers. Although they don't really feel like strangers any more. He's given us a way to love deeper, to care more for his children we may never lay eyes on. How cool is that??

This song has just been embedded in me lately, I thought I'd share it with you. I thought it only appropriate to share with you the version done by yet another blogger out there....



However I am also going to link you to my very favorite version. It is one I stumbled upon on youtube quite a while ago, and while probably not the "best" or original version it is simply the most raw, real version, and it's the one that plays in my head. (you know, where I can sing! =)

And the day goes on...

If you haven't read the beginning of this story, you may want to scroll down and start from the previous post. Or you may not have that much time!

***For the record, I'd like to preface this post by saying I'm not sharing for the sake of pity, nor do I want any meals delivered to my door. I'm sharing because the other option was simply to sweep this under the rug. I've gone that route before and it just leaves you wanting to yell at people. There is validation in sharing, so after careful consideration I've decided sharing here avoids people having to respond, because really, it's a hard thing to do! For those of you I talked to today and did not mention this, I love you, but it was easier to just not mention it! Traci...thank you for picking Dax up for me today, you didn't even know how you were helping!***


Remember my mentions of hormonal oddities...yes, I know, too much info. Well, I was sure last week's meltdown was due completely to that frequent friend who stops in for a visit. But she did not make her appearance. Although I thought this is was odd I kept waiting. By Friday I was starting to wonder. I have not been late since I found out I was pregnant with Finn. The weekend came with a vengeance and I just swept things out of my mind. By yesterday I decided things were definitely suspicious, but I'd give it one more day before going out and investing in a dollar store potty stick (if you read the last one, you know I already left my last $1.87 for the waitress at Steak & Shake

I even sat down with my journal yesterday morning to organize my thoughts. I always dreamed of having four children. From the time I can remember 4 was that number for me. So, there was a twinge of excitement. At the same time, have you met my boys? You read about how they are real boys in the last entry, right? They keep life hopping. Maybe I was thinking another year or two. But as I've said for a long time, I've never had any control over my fertility, God has always been totally in command there, I have learned to accept that.

So, what did I journal? I started writing. What came out was how I would be joyful to have another baby if and when He decided it was time for us, but that I would give anything to see my Brother and Sister in law have that joy in their lives. That if there was someway I could give that joy to them before it came my way again that would be so much better. I don't know if you've ever wanted a baby and struggled with that before. If you haven't, count your blessings. I think that is the hardest, saddest place to be. There is a desire there that is so primal, and even when you try not to let it rule your life, it does. I've been there. I'm so grateful, grateful doesn't even begin to encompass all that I am, that God chose to give us Lily, after 4 1/2 years of marriage, one miscarriage, and all my life dreaming of a perfect little girl. Then how overwhelmingly joyful I am that he decided to bless us with those two incredible boys after 7 years, fertility treatment, 2 miscarriages, and 1 heartbreaking ectopic pregnancy. He chose to make our family full of life. Sometimes almost overflowing! I want that for my brother and sister in law. Another baby would be an incredible blessing, but I want that for them first. But even I know that I am not in control and my timing is simple and human and by no means do I really know anything about the big picture. So I told Him, you know, the Big Guy, that if there was a baby coming, and there was some way he could send that little one to Ohio before I was too attached to the idea of number four in Illinois, that would be ok with me. And then I went on with my day.

When I pulled into the driveway from picking Lily up, a strange feeling came over me. As I started to climb out of the van I doubled over. I could barely stand up. I've felt this before. October 1995, February 2001, and August 2003. There was no doubt in my mind. I came in the house and I knew.

Funny thing is, this time my first thought wasn't one of complete sadness, of loss. It was one of simply knowing that God's timing is perfect. He has blessed us over and over again. He knows the why and the when. I can't help be slightly hopeful that maybe they'll be good news from Ohio. I know...that may be sound silly, but I can be hopeful, right?

October 15th Angie at Bring the Rain posted this in honor of the the National Day of Remembrance for pregnancy and infant loss. This includes all babies who have died because of miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or any other infant death. She asked anyone who had experienced this loss to please post, share, and pray. She had over 2000 comments. I was floored at just how much this post touched me. I guess because of how grateful I am for the children I do have running amok in this house, the sadness of the losses has taken a backseat. It's not something I think about on a daily basis, or even a weekly basis. It comes to mind on certain dates, or when I hear of someone else's loss. I know through all my losses God taught me lessons. Everyone of those little ones had a purpose and Angie giving us place to validate their existence, speak their names, truly touched me. So for that reason, simply validating that for a few weeks there was a little life building, I'm sharing. I feel even more blessed because I know you are listening.

A Warm Family Weekend! Not exactly....

The last few days have been....hmmm....well, not what we planned.


We have travelled, had extended company or very sick children every weekend in this beautiful October. Travel and company are wonderful, but we haven't had just a Saturday to spend together as a family in this beautiful fall weather. We were planning to take this past Saturday and spend it at the pumpkin patch. October is almost over, we still have no pumpkins. I promised this year we'd do pumpkins. Megan was going to meet us up there for a few beautiful sun going down type pictures and then we'd finish up with a little dinner out. It didn't exactly happen that way...


Finn woke up at 3 am struggling to breathe. Out came our friend the nebulizer. He made it till 8 am before needing another, but by 10:30 am he needed another. I tried calling his doctor. Have you ever tried to do this on a Saturday?? 5 phone conversations and an hour and half later I finally was allowed to speak to her. She gave us her recommendations and suggested we go ahead and take him to prompt care so they could do a pulse ox and listen to him. Prompt care was a 2 hour wait. We waited. They listened. 90%. That earns you a trip to the ER!


Let me share with you our beautiful Pumpkin Patch pictures...

My boy, he can charm him some interns and nurses with his amazing party tricks!

Pneumonia! Yea!!

We watched the sun set through our window, it was beautiful!

Sunday I met Megan at the wrong time of day in the middle of an infamous Illinois plain windstorm. Lets just say, the pictures, not so pretty!

Monday came, it started out pleasant enough. Then there were many many phone calls to get Finn in for a recheck. This ended with a high speed race to the "big" city down the road to see our old doctor at her new office. I was flustered. Mike (after two weeks of nagging) still hadn't changed the car seat configuration which left me climbing all over the van to put kids in and out..so of course I was grumbling. I even called him at work at that point and told him he needed to find me directions for how to get to the office and thanked him for moving the seats for me....I'm sure that conversation was the highlight of his day.

Boys looked good. a little loud and crazy, but healthier than I'd hoped. Finn even got the all clear to spend short bits of time outside and rejoin his friends in a day or two. The down side, they were starving. Lets just say if I was taking part in this week's Not me Monday I would totally not have said My 18 month old surely was not so hungry that he found a french fry buried somewhere in the depths of her car seat and munched on it! But I'm not participating, so I'm not saying that. So I thought why not take my little pneumonia clad dude and his loud big brother to Steak and Shake on the river...a joy I tell you. You stick a 5 star restaurant right next to a river where you can watch barges pass and it just makes it worthy of a write up in some sort of diner's club magazine.

**Let me preface this with the disclosure that I was not originally going to share this story. I was pretty humiliated, but for the sake of truth and the fact that the dude at Steak & Shake deserves his props, I will share**

I ordered our lunch. I fished crayons out of Finn's mouth. I chatted with older patrons at a neighboring table about how, oh yes, my boys are true boys"(A nice way of saying crayon eating, loud talking, booth climbing heathens, I'm sure), I discussed water, boats, boats and bridges with Dax, and then just a minute or two before our order came, I answered a phone call from my husband. He was calling to check on the boys. I gave him the report, explained how they were so hungry and tired and I knew they'd never make it home awake, so we had stopped, and continued talking. He then says, "where are you?" I told him. He sort of went quiet, then asked how much my lunch cost. I thought this was a bizarre question and responded with a quick estimate and a "why?". He then proceeds to tell me there is $16 left in the account to which my debit card is tied. We don't carry credit cards. I usually like to have a little cash but yesterday my cash amounted to $1.87. I was unhappy, but was sure my lunch would be under that, so I just prayed and hoped my nice waitress would understand the crappy tip.

Then, Dax fell head first out of the booth. I'm not exactly sure how this happened. He was sitting there, across from me, eating. I guess maybe he was too close to the edge and just lost his balance. However it happened, he landed on his head, and he cried, and cried. He just wanted to go home. I asked for a box and the check, still praying about that whole mess...

The check came, $15.98. Wow, that's close. I went to the register. I sat my boys and all their paraphernalia down on the bench and handed my bill to the nice guy who was running the grill and the register at the same time...talent I say. Well, guess Mike was rounding up with the $16, cause my debit card...yeah, it didn't work. My boys by this time were checking out the candy machines and begging for quarters. I wracked my brain for a solution. But other than making my husband drive here from work and take care of this, I couldn't come up with one. I felt like a mouse as I apologized profusely, looked at the guy and said, "I'm not sure what to do, my debit card is all I have with me..."

Do you know what this guy said? He smiled and said, "well then, I guess this one will just have to be on me, have a good day."

Did you hear that? Reread that again. Sometimes God answers prayers, but he chooses a way not quite as direct as you would like. This guy's voice, echoes of grace....right there. The Steak and Shake guy that let Jesus shine through him. So next time you're tempted to go to one of the other much nicer eating establishments within a mile radius of this location, maybe you should think about dropping in to the grand riverfront Steak & Shake.

Now, I wouldn't want you to think I left with a smile on my face and happy little boys in tow. I left biting my lip trying not to break down in tears. I scooped up one little boy who proceeded to spill chocolate milk down the front of both of us and then grabbed the other by the hood and stumbled out the door. I got them both in van, climbed in the driver's seat and broke down. Not a little ugly cry either, full on sobbing. I think there were just so many emotions I couldn't quite contain them all. Remember that kitchen meltdown last week and how I tried to toss it on hormones? Lets just say those were very much still in play...more on that later...Mike chose this exact moment to call and check in. I'm not sure if he could understand anything I said, but I'm sure it was the second highlight of his day. Dax then started singing a song about being happy and not sad. He asked if that made me feel better. I cried some more, but I laughed a little too, how could I not?

By the time we made it home both boys were sound to sleep. Praise the Lord! I carried each one and laid them in their bed. I spent the next hour and a half doing almost nothing, and I'm not overly ashamed to say that.

Next thing I know it was 3:45 both boys were still asleep and Lily needed to be picked up from choir practice. Finn was starting to stir, so I put on his shoes, wrapped him in a blanket and carried him to the van. I came back for Dax who was still out cold, I wrapped him up, tossed him over my shoulder, grabbed the extra car seat sitting on my porch (long story, see mention above) put the booster in with one hand, flung Dax in with the other, pulled the seat belt over him and slammed the door. By now we were a good 10 minutes late. I backed out of the driveway, quickly. I put my foot on the brake, went to change from reverse to drive when I heard and felt that always familiar crunch. Apparently I pulled out so fast that the lady in the driveway across the street didn't notice me coming and backed right into me. The upside is that she is actually a neighbor from down the street I'd never met who was very kind. The bad news...

I'm not sure how this plays out with the insurance. She hadn't started backing out when I pulled out, but she didn't see me pull out. I had seen her pull in the driveway, but didn't see her backing out until her bumper was in full contact with the right side of my van. No one was hurt, we jumped out, did the insurance switch and had a pleasant conversation. I then went and picked up Lily, only twenty minutes late. She was waiting with her boyfriend (Dear God, help me!) and a handful of other kids who's parents were also neglectful.

Wow, this is almost a novel at this point. Have I given you too much info yet? If you've made it this far, glad you didn't have anything better to do. There is more, no really, there is (I heard you groaning.) The next segment is in someways hard to write, I need to decide how much sharing I'd like to do. For now though, I should go. My fingers and your eyes need a rest

A Megan Preview..

Megan, one of my favorite babysitters, and her family, which I happen to love, asked me to do her senior pictures. I decided although a bit fearful, I'd give it a whirl. I've started playing with a few so I 'm gonna give you a very small preview(lets just say these were in the first 30 out of 300!). We've taken a ridiculous number of pictures so far and still have one more day of shooting...it has been a blast!