Sometimes it Pours...

warning...typing left handed while laying in hospital bed, please don't hold it against me. I spent many hours yesterday in the er of the hospital finn is in with severe abdominal pain. pain like I've never known. I was diagnosed with a kidney infection and a pregnancy...and sent on my merry way. I returned to the er with worse pain radiating to my neck and shoulders and several experiences with cold sweats, nausea,cloudy vision, and almost passing out. I was admitted to the same floor as finn, because they kindly want to make it easier on us. Early this morning
brought emergency surgery for a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. A liter of blood in my abdomen. was causing excruciating pain. a few hours later, down one ovary, one tube, and one sweet little person not meant to stay here with us I am so thankful for my life and my many many blessings. as long as today has been I felt it needed recorded here. thank you all for your love.

Praises for the day...

People

truly nothing means even close to the people God gives you. The husband by my side never willing to give up. The mom and sister in law who drive from Ohio to sit by my side at a moments notice. The brothers who worry,and answer questions, and take care of things, and pray. the children who go with the flow and love with words smiles and prayers. the friends who pick up the slack, who visit, who sit with your baby at all hours of the night, who entertain you in the er, who sit in hospital rooms that make them uncomfortable, who put up with your kids tantrums and treat them like their own, who take them to school, who carry on with bible study just like you want them too. who love you with prayers from across the street, down the highway or states away. That goes for family too! For smart doctors, for kind nurses, for those with great reassuring voices in the or. For pastors who come and pray. or just chat. The right words, the wrong words, and sometimes no words at all. The people...how blessed I truly am.

life...

how precious every bit, every moment.in the shadows or right out for the world to see.

prayers...

from friends, family, children, and random strangers

waking up each morning being blessed with the knowledge that this is the day the Lord has made and whatever comes I will rejoice and be glad in it.

godly peace, knowing I don't have to be in charge

still a small mention for free Internet access from hospital rooms and people who will read this and not hold the typing and lack of grammar against me today.


finn was dismissed and seems to be in great shape****

Breaking the Silence

For a month there has been no blogging. It's been so long, Mike has even stopped complaining. Life was busy. I didn't take the time.

I noticed a countdown at Traci's blog to her "blogoversary". Hmmm...I started blogging about the same time she did. I decided to find the exact date. January 28, 2008. I did a bit of back blogging at that point to add some Christmas pictures and such, but that was the date I actually took the blog to screen. I read my first entry and I remembered. What happened? That first entry clearly states my mission in creating this. Then I went off topic. I started talking way too much. It became something I never meant for it to become and I understood why I went silent on December 4th. And why reading January 2008 entries teared me up, took me back, and made me smile.

So I sit in a hospital room late at night listening to Finn breathe. He's in for pneumonia, once again, just a bit worse this time and I think about why I'm here. Why have I stopped praising...seems like a good time for a wake up call.

Praises of the Day...

A husband who even when the morning starts late and out of control knows where to jump in to help get everyone on track, even if it means tossing his own day off kilter.

Clean, non slippery highways even when our town roads seem to hint at a level 3 snow advisory. When exactly did we stop clearing roads in town?

Happy little sicky boys who go with their mommy just thinking they get to see the fishies in the waiting room.

Babies who sign frog over and over again, even when the nurses think their must be something wrong with them.

A kid who on admittance to the hospital requests only one thing, a ball. And is happy when all the staff can produce is a stuffed frog...hey, it's kind of round and you can throw it.

A great resident who seems to have a clue and isn't too bad to look at. He'd definitely be "Mc" something...

No IV! Still holding tight!

Friends who are there to pick up the pieces when crazy women call them crying because the doctor sends her directly to the hospital without passing go. I could not have made it through the day without the prayers of many and one amazing person who always says yes (probably too often for her own good!) Thank you for being a safe place for my kids and not thinking I'm totally nuts, well, at least not all the time!

To certain other friends I have lined up for future duties! My first round of tears came as sadness as I wished for my mom to live just down the street so she could take care of me. My second was thankful tears in knowing that God has given us people and without my people I would be nowhere.

Speaking of people...my Bible Study girls who I know were praying cause I did calm down...

Nurses who can laugh and walk in with a reassuring smile.

Spending some good dinner time with my big kids.

Lily finally getting some new glasses. That poor girl has waited a long time!

Being able to do things with the big guys knowing Finn was perfectly ok with his daddy at the hospital.

Having a husband who is there and is not afraid to take a kid to the ER or who isn't bothered by middle of the night breathing treatments.

Wireless Internet in hospital rooms...yeah for that!

Being here for something pretty common. My guy smiling. Blessed to know that we are far better off than some of our neighbors on this floor. sometimes God has to rattle you a little bit so you remember to count those amazing blessings.

Quotes of the Day..


This is really not from today, it's from yesterday, but it needs recorded..
Dax, "Hey Mom?"
"Yes"?
Dax, "Never Mind"
"Ok"
Dax, "Hey Mom?"
"Yes?"
Dax, "why do you always say 'ok' when I say 'never mind'?"
"so you know I heard you"
Dax, "ok" "Hey mom?"
"yes?"
Dax, "never mind"
"ok"...repeat a minimum of 27 random times throughout the day.

Things I wish I had on video...

The way Finn held his free hand on my forehead while i held one hand and my other hand on his forehead as they were trying to take his blood. Stick after stick he rubbed my forehead while I rubbed his and prayed. Can I just say I really don't like people getting near my little people with needles!

The way Finn jumped up and down and squealed when I brought Dax and Lily to see him. They are such a team!

The way Finn yelled and threw his "guy" at the door when Dax and Lily left...

All the cool tricks Finn had not figured out he could do in his hospital room in his 8 previous hours that his big brother taught him in 10 minutes...

The way Finn likes to stand at his glass sliding door and wave at the nurses and other passers by. He even makes faces and occasionally find someone who will wiggle their tongue back at him. The way he flies to that window when he hears another child cry. He looks at me with these eyes that just screams, "Mom, we gotta go help them".

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I think it's time to cuddle up under my blanket in the recliner and drift off to the aroma of burning popcorn coming from the nurses station. Or maybe I'll catch up on some blog reading...

Praises

We didn't have to go anywhere this morning. I read Christmas books with the boys instead of rushing them into clothes.

I have a dog who works like a vaccum cleaner. Cheerios, Whales, maybe a few ritz here and there. I'm not sure what shape my house would be in without her!

Kind people who take pity on my daughter and drive her home from choir practice. She even made it home early enough that I could take a shower alone before going to church tonight...whoo hoo (it's the small things!)

Friendly church faces. I got the priveledge of serving a hundred and some of the best faces out there tonight. This was my first time to help serve dinner at the new church (remember, I've been avoiding the kitchen like the plague) I actually rather enjoyed it. shhh...don't tell anyone!

Chatting with friends. Seems like it's been a while since I've felt connected to some of my favorite people. I love seeing their smiling faces!

Snow, melting, snow falling. It's all so pretty.

My girls. Those ones who have other Mama's who are amazing enough to loan me their girls every now and then. I'm blessed to have them in my world and I hope they really know how much I mean that! I see you girls. I think you are pretty incredible and don't let anyone ever convince you otherwise!

Prayer. Feeling connected to others. A few moments of quiet in a noisy land.

Laughter. Hearing my kids giggle. I'm not sure there is a better sound in all the world!

Sitting down at the end of a day with all the little people in bed. Spending time with my mom even though she is so far away.

Mike being awake when I finish talkign with mom. Watching something silly on the DVR and talking before he heads off to bed and I stop in here. Ending the day talking with Mom and Mike with little people sleeping soundly makes me feel like all is well in the world.

Piping Virgins No More and Conversations with Dax

So, I forgot to take my camera to church with me this morning. When I googled "beautiful women decorating Christmas cookies" nothing with all those words materialized. What's up with that? I did find some pictures of the kind of cookie art we were doing...

Ok, so they didn't exactly look like that, maybe Lisa and Teresa had that kind of beauty down, but not all of us. Oh, there were some that have been doing this for years and their cookie art was quite lovely.

My very good friend, Sarah, and I are more the let your kids eat cheerios off the floor type. Don't get us wrong, we love beautiful things, we just don't really make fine cookie art a priority with the 8 kids between us and the massive piles of cheerios we must pick up, or the unknown objects we find ourselves fishing out of the toilet. But, today, that might just have changed.

Today we held in our hands, piping bags. Sarah made beautiful Christmas trees and I have to say my little blue mittens were cute enough to eat. Ok, lets be honest, they were all cute enough to eat. I might even go out and buy some cookie decorating supplies and give this a whirl with my kids...don't tell me, but, I'm guessing it will not be the same as decorating with all grown women. For now at least, I'm thinking about making a brave attempt. Lisa, I may be calling to borrow some cookie cutters....

Anyone local who wants to sample some of our handy work, this year's cookie sale starts Saturday morning at 9 at the church. It's almost always sold out very quickly...come early!

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Dax's best buddy, Max, was sick this morning. I was afraid this might be trouble. Max always picks Dax up for school. This seems to make for a much easier transition in the morning. I do the after school pick up and all is well. Today the extra morning time let us read some Christmas books and enjoy each other without rushing. This was really nice! I got Dax to school (only a few minutes late) and only once did he look at me and with a timid little face say, "I need Max, he can't be sick". He walked into school, stood at the edge of the carpet, a big smile crossed his face, he turned to me gave me a hug and a kiss and went on his merry way! Hip Hip hooray!

After school he was still happy. First thing he said when I picked him up was "Hi Mom, I wasn't mean today!" Should I be concerned about this?

In the car he said "I wasn't mean today, Momma!"

Me "Are you usually mean at school??"

Dax, confused, "No, I'm not mean at school, I mean sometimes I cry"

M "Ohhhh, you mean sad?"

D "Yeah, sad, sometimes I'm sad at school, but I was not sad at school today, not even a little!"

M "That is great, I love that you were happy! It makes me so happy!"

Finn "Happy Happy Happy"

D "Does it make you sad when I'm sad?"

M "yes, very sad, I like when you're happy!"

Finn "happy happy, so happy"

D "where did you and Finny go today?"

M "We went to church for a little while"

D "I want to go to church to see my friends!!"

M "You have so many more friends at school! You'll be at church a lot this week"

D "I like church better than school."

M "Why?"

D "School is Evil"

M "Who told you that??"

D "Not anyone, I talk to myself"

And there you have it. Do I blame the 10 year old for this? Sigh...it's preschool people, they play with play dough and sing songs, Evil?

Blessings

I am grateful to have spent the weekend with Mike's family in Indiana. The gaggle was unusually good tempered and mellow, making for a really nice Thanksgiving.

I'm thankful we made it home before the snow started falling! It's beautiful and white outside. It may be a bit chilly, but there is always something a little magical about that first snow.

I'm thankful that Mom had a good trip to Virginia Beach and that she got some much needed time with Dosh & Jessy. A little Beach time never hurt either!

I'm grateful that other than everyone's head colds we are all healthy and safe.

I am so grateful to have beautiful memories and wonderful family, even if we don't see each other enough. I am thankful to be growing where God planted us, but there are many moments I wish our family was all in one place.

I am thankful that the people in the Walmart I visited at 5 am on Black Friday were all pretty kind and patient. I've only done the crack of dawn shopping thing one other time. I have to admit, there was a bit of a rush to it. I'm glad the women decided to mix things up a little this year. I must admit though, I missed my mom!

I am thankful for a tiny little boy who has walked around the house all day today singing a little song that went something like "Happy, Happy, so happy, I happy, so happy". It made me smile.

It was wonderful to see some of my little niece's first steps this weekend!

It was amazing to watch a 10 year old and a 7 year old spend hours entertaining themselves by making electronics out of paper. We're talking, laptops, cell phones, digital cameras, etc... They created their own world.

I was oh so grateful that a certain little 3 year old boy I know was for he most part very pleasant this weekend. He was polite, and gentle. he loved on his baby cousin and wanted to share things with her, but was always asking first. He said thank you, please, and may I 90% of the time. I love when he goes out and shows who he really is.

I'm just thankful, thankful to be here. Thankful for all of the lessons I've learned over the past year. This is the beginning of a season of joy, and in many ways for our family this year a season of sadness. I pray that the joy and the laughter will ease the tears and the memories will carry us through. This year I want Christmas to fill my spirit and for me to allow myself to just be in that place of peace. I pray that for all of you too! Happy Thanksgiving, lets bring on the season of Joy!

PS Hey Abbey, Happy Birthday! I hope you had a great one!

Praises for a very healthy little boy and the things I've missed...

So, it's been a week since I've posted anything. I wish I could say I've accomplished amazing tasks in that time. I guess I have done few things, just maybe not amazing)...my house got straightened (notice I did not say "clean"? I've given up on clean or else my expectations of what clean is are too high). I started a group on Face book...that was a heck of a lot easier than I thought! I've been teaching myself how to use photoshop elements to make cards. I would not say I'm a pro, or even a good amateur, but I'm getting faster! Had a fun family night that involved cleaning under the furniture, watching a movie, and falling alseep on the floor (i love these peeps!)...

I've been on a grown up date to see Fireproof, finally!(Thanks to Cori) I have done some laundry, I have done a lot of my big Christmas shopping. I have made a little $$ on craigslist & ebay selling off some toys the boys have outgrown. I even met a very nice lady from a neighboring town who came to buy toys that I really liked. I'm thinking about emailing her just to say hello, would that be weird or what? I had both boys and my own hair cut, which would not have been possible without one of my favorite 8th graders tagging along for backup! Ive read a few blog posts. Ive prayed for random people who's comments touched me over at a really cool post on MckMama's blog. I have prayed. I have played. I have spent way too much time on the computer but have been in blog world very little. I have spent almost 0 time on the phone with anyone but my mom (and Traci, because she has been there to rescue me with Dax this week! Thank you Traci!) so I hope my friends think I still like them, cause I really do. I have taken quite a few pictures. and I have spent a lot of time praying for one little guy...

Which nicely segues into the next part of this...

If you know me currently in the real world you know that Finn has had 3 bouts of pneumonia/bronchilotis in the past 6 weeks. One of his doctors ordered some tests to see if we could find some explanation. He ordered tests for all sorts of immunoglobin deficiencies and a sweat chloride test for Cystic Fibrosis, as well as a few other labs. After a frustrating day yesterday, we finally had all the labs done this morning. Let me tell you, this guy, he's a trooper!

Results on everything were back at 3 this afternoon! Crazy, isn't it? I thought for sure it would be after Thanksgiving when we got the news. Drum roll...

All but one test were perfectly normal! Although, I'm not sure this guy is normal...






I was one very Thankful mommy today! This is the second time a doctor has been concerned that one of our children had a life shortening disease. when Lily was 2 she was sent to Children's with her doctor very fearful of a pancreatic mass. It turned out to be just poop! Her doc cried and laughed when she shared this with us. She had only seen this one other time in her practice and that family was not so lucky. I feel so richly blessed and at the same time it breaks my heart to think about those families whose phone calls are not so positive. Those families who leave crying tears of fear rather than of joy. It causes me to not only praise the gift of my children but to pray through tears for all those other moms.

The test that was a bit abnormal the doctor told me, is usually an indicator of a child with allergies...imagine that, allergies. Wow, I think that is one we can probably handle! She also said that she found it very interesting that all these lung problems started after we had major water damage in our house early in September, that mold could be triggering these things. I had asked this of another doctor earlier and he assured me that it couldn't cause pneumonia.

When we moved to Illinois we found this cute little house in this nice, quite neighborhood, close to a good school and we jumped on the chance to rent it. We didn't know if we'd like the area, we couldn't afford to buy at that point, we didn't know if wed be staying or heading back to Ohio. Now, four years later, we are still here. This is how it works with us. We were still in our 3 year house after 10 years in Ohio. Mike is not a huge fan of change, nor is Lily. I am not good at pushing them into it. So, this has turned into a very long prayer request! We need a house to almost literally just fall out of the heavens. Now I know this isn't completely impossible, cause That Guy can do anything, but I haven't recently seen any falling houses. We need it to be that clear and that perfect. So if you have a sec and you wouldn't mind, how bout tossing out one of those little prayers for a new house for Finny. Well, Finny and the rest of us!

I was going to share all the things that Finn can do now, because I need to write it down somewhere, but it will have to come later. Probably tomorrow when I should be packing to go to my in laws for Thanksgiving! I might even share with you my children's new super hero personas, aren't you just chomping at the bit? I bet you just can't wait!!

Tune in later, after I've had a few hours of sleep! im sorry this is so long, rambling, and filled with gramatical errors, but it's late...very, very late!

Genius, Genius I say!

I'm documenting this here, rather than seek out a baby book.

Finn has been bringing me the same book all day. It's a book with a fish that you have to find on every page. He's been able to find the fish on each page for quite sometime and since the only words are "Where's the fish? There's the fish!" I have grown quite annoyed with this book. today though, he keeps bringing it to me and when I try to read it he just flips the pages back to the beginning and yells.

After about the 25th time, I realized he wanted me to stay on the first page. Not the real first page, but the very first thing you open to which in this case is an olive green blank spread with the word "DISCARDED" stamped on it(yeah, it was a library cast off). Wow, this page is even more exciting than the fish! He then pointed at the last "D" in the word and looked at me. I said "D", he then pointed out the other two and smiled.

Patterns I say. This boy sees the world in patterns. He just kept touching each "D" with his finger and giggling. Then he went back and wanted me to identify the other letters, then he wanted to count them. This guy, he's something! I think I've been underestimating him!

Moments...

I took Dax to the church nursery today barefoot in his pajamas. I decided I was not wrestling him into his clothes today. He was horrified when I actually put him in the car like that. I guess he didn't think I'd go through with it. I thought I won. I didn't not. He decided once he was there that being in pajamas was cool. He had lunch with all the the United Methodist Women in his jammies, barefoot. sigh...

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Turn on the bath water

close the bathroom door

check on boys playing quietly in back, far from bathroom, without knowledge of running water

run quickly to the basement to find jammies hear boys running above you, clunking about

run back up stairs to Dax standing in the hallway giggling

go to open the bathroom door

realize it is locked

look at Dax

shake head

hear whimpering

realize Finn is in the bathroom, With the water running

panic

find screwdriver

tell Finn to just keep knocking on the bathroom door(so he'd stay by the door)

get half the door knob off, can't get door open

realize hinges are on the inside

start really panicking

beat the heck out of the door while crying

door opens

drop to floor as half wet toddler and damp golden retriever emerge from tiny bathroom

hug toddler

yell loudly at preschooler

cry

hug them both

praise God

throw them in the tub

get on with the night

hope Mike is having a good time with the guys (and honestly, I am not being sarcastic)

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Tonight in the car while scanning a large gaggle of tweens searching for Lily after a choir caroling event (who carols in the middle of November??)...

Me ~ ok, guys, watch for Lily.

Dax ~ My Lil?

Me ~ Yes, your Lily.

Dax ~ We don't want anyone else's Lil, just mine.

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Finding out after four years of living here that crazy people in this town light a tree and carol in the middle of November. Only now know because Lily sang. Wishing Finn was healthier so we could have gone out and enjoyed it...feeling guilty that my oldest sometimes gets neglected. Once upon a time, I would have been a group mom...

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Standing in the boys room between their beds as they fell to sleep. Finn stood at the side of his crib, me with my arm wrapped around him, rubbing his hair until his little eyes closed and he dropped to his pillow. Standing over them while this song played on their cd player




And once again, all of those mommy moments of today the good, the bad, and the ugly, I laid them down at His feet. And gave praise that everyday starts new and I, I have been richly blessed.

And now I am going to watch a movie with just my girl...

***update***

it was not a movie, it was Taylor Swift's making of her video, then Lily fell asleep.

This is why it is so easy to be so grateful at the end of the day...





...and for the record, I really am glad that Mike is out with the guys, he needed that. He's been pretty great over the last weeks with all the sickies and crazies in our house. I wouldn't want to be walking through any of this without him. I do however wish he'd come home soon because the garbage smells like something might have died in there and I'm not opening the lid again till he gets here...

One Day Early Last Week...

It was so warm. The wind was soft. The leaves were finally falling in our yard. Instead of blogging about it, we went outside and played in it, in shorts. How often do you make leaf angels in shorts? We visited with our pumpkins. The boys chased each other with sticks(please no one comment on my negligent parenting). We hugged some trees. We spent some time climbing, swinging, sliding, and then some extreme slide tricks (again, no parenting comments from the peanut gallery, please!). We rescued some imaginary squirrels from fires. We tossed leaves in the air and stood under them as they fell. We watched the leaves as they fell from the trees and blew off the roof. We looked up and talked about the blue sky. We just enjoyed the last real day of our beautiful Indian Summer.

Today the sky has been blue and other than some dampness, it looked like a rather pleasant day, not for wearing shorts, but a pleasant fall day. We were inside all day. Finn has pneumonia yet again. Next week we're going to be doing some more testing to see if we can find out why he's had three such infections in less than 6 weeks. So today I decided to think about that beautiful day last week and take the time to put the pictures up. It won't be long till the skies are greyer and the days colder, but I have to remind myself that these beautiful days of fall will be back before we know it! The boys will be older, if it's part of His plan it may be a different yard, but it will be back! Gotta love how that works!

Another day last week...

Can you tell I should have blogged more last week? Oh well, I'll get back to the pumpkin patch and Halloween eventually!

Last Friday, we had a handsome little guest. You can find out a bit more about him here. Once upon a time his family used to live in our town and they were pretty cool people to have around. They then left, headed east to the far away state of Indiana. I must say, I miss this boy's mama. Oh, I knew she'd do great, make lots of new friends, cause honestly you could not meet this women and not like her or at least find her incredibly amusing. Well, unless she was mute that day or something. It was nice to have her back on a Thursday night for a few hours and we loved that she had this conference she had to go to so she just had to leave this guy with us for the morning..it was such a put out and all! I'm sure the family he spent the afternoon with felt just the same!

I didn't know how my guys would react to an almost three month old hanging out. Dax's first reaction was simple, "Why didn't my friend, Claire, come?" After that he just wanted him to smile at him. Fussiness somewhat annoyed him. He really didn't care that Cooper might have a bellyache, he'd rather just watch Dora. Finn on the other hand, Finn was loving this guy! When he cried he'd run and get his binky. When he'd laugh Finn would laugh. When he fussed, Finn would gently pat him, or lay his head on his back. When he slept, Finn would toddle in every 10 minutes or so to check on the 'babeeee". It was so sweet I could hardly stand it!

And when he left...Finn waved and called "bye bye babeee". Dax, well, he didn't really notice till he heard the door shut. He then ran and looked out the window, screaming "Who took that baby? Where is he going?? I don't want him to play with Caroline and Charlotte, I want him to stay at MY house!" Guess he kind of liked him after all, or he's three and he's not big on sharing!

So, you know that I couldn't possibly have a baby here and not take pictures! That would be like asking me not to hug him. How would that be possible? And then, man, he had a messy diaper. You know what that means? Yep, almost naked baby pictures! (no babies were harmed in the making of this slide show)